


Let it Linger

by CaptainCabinets



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: 90's references, Alpha Ben Solo, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Awkward Sexual Situations, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Flashbacks, Misunderstandings, Omega Rey (Star Wars), They're big time virgins, time jumps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:35:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 31,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23618359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainCabinets/pseuds/CaptainCabinets
Summary: Something happened between Ben Solo and Rey Palpatine.Something they were both hoping to forget.But their past becomes increasingly hard to ignore when Rey starts attending Ben's prestigious boarding school.OrBen is an Alpha. Rey is an Omega. And they forget how to function like normal teenagers when they are around each other.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 298
Kudos: 989
Collections: favorite fics





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Potential trigger warnings will be listed in the end notes.

**1999**

Ben Solo has never been so sure he’s going to vomit in his whole life.

_What is she doing here?_ What reason could _she_ possibly have to be standing in the First Order Preparatory dining hall wearing that awful red and black uniform?

His frantic mind mills through the possibilities. The most logical one he can come up with is that she’s here to finally kill him for what he did.

It’s been well over a year since he’s last seen her. He hopes—he _prays_ to whoever is listening—that she doesn’t recognize him.

But then she's staring directly at him. He supposes he probably sticks out quite easily, as he's sitting alone at the end of a very long table. A leper among the First Order student body. 

And one good look from her tells him exactly what he fears.

She recognizes him.

_Of course_ she recognizes him. She’s not an idiot. Though he had hoped maybe she’d suffer from a bit of memory loss after the _incident._

And she’s still pissed. She's definitely still pissed.

Even way across the hall he can see the flames flickering in her eyes. The flare of her nostrils. Never in his life did he think _he_ would be so be terrified of such a tiny Omega.

He wills himself to just disappear. He tries to curl into a little ball—which is impossible for an Alpha boy of his size, but he tries anyway. He’s like a walking, talking Sequoia tree. He feels like he grows an inch every hour.

He needs to get out of here. Quickly. He haunches over his lunch tray, and shovels the rest of his food into his mouth as quickly as possible. He'll probably have a stomach ache later. But he's going to get something much worse if he goes anywhere near her.

As soon as his mouth is stuffed, he takes his headphones off and shoves his Walkman in his bag. He stands, hesitantly looking back to the mahogany archway where he first saw her standing. But she’s no longer there. His eyes flit across the dining hall, but he can’t spot her brown buns, which should put him at ease, but it definitely doesn't. But he takes this chances and beelines it straight to the bins to rid of his trash and tray.

A sweet, jasmine-like scent makes its way into his nose—which is odd since he’s leaning over a pile of slowly rotting food. And he knows, he just _knows,_ that she’s standing right behind him. Like a fucking ghost, haunting him. He swears he hears the screeching violins from that scene in _Psycho_ somewhere in the distance _._

He turns slowly, trying to smooth out his features and compose himself before facing her. He's never had any chill around her. None.

_God._ How could someone so angry look so beautiful at the same time?Her arms are folded across her chest, and her jaw is tightly clenched. She looks wound up, ready for an attack. Meanwhile, he can't feel any of his limbs. He's just as weak for her now as he was when he first met her.

“Solo,” she says his name like it’s a dirty word. His body doesn't register her ire, though, because with that one word he suddenly feels like every nerve in his body is on fire. He wonders if she knows the power she has over him. 

“Jones,” he chokes her own last name out. Before this can go any further, he tries to move past her—tries to escape. But she steps in front of him, blocking his path to sweet, sweet freedom.

“Didn’t you hear? It’s _Palpatine_ now.” She’s practically spits the words at him.

And then Ben’s heart falls into his stomach.

Sheev Palpatine started First Order prep in the late 1940’s—soon after the war ended—with his business partner Anakin Skywalker. Skywalker just so happens to be Ben's grandfather. 

They originally started the school just for Alpha boys, but there weren’t many left at the time, as Alphas are already a rarity, and many of them died in the war. The school was later opened up to Beta boys. Then Alpha and Beta women. They fought for years to keep Omega’s out—citing a serious threat to the Alpha's. But the government wouldn’t allow it under Britain’s Omega Discrimination Act of 1979. And the next year Omegas came into the fold.

The man ran a tight ship for decades, making FO one of the most sought-after preparatory schools in the world. But then he disappeared in the early 90’s—just a few years before Ben started his first year at the school. Some claimed he was wanted by the police and escaped to some remote island in the Caribbean. Some said he was already dead, thrown into a pit by one of his many enemies. Others argued that he was just sick and decided to retire. He was fucking ancient, after all.

But it was confirmed just a few months ago that he had died at his estate in Buckinghamshire. And soon after, he had some long-lost granddaughter come out of the woodwork to claim his inheritance—it was the talk of the school after they returned from winter recess.

So, yes, Ben _did_ hear that. He just didn’t know that it was _her._

“H—How?” He wants to know how this happened. How this glorious creature could ever be of the same blood of that grody old man. Ben never met him, but he’s seen enough photographs and heard enough stories to know that the man oozed darkness. And Rey is just...light. 

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” she says flippantly, with a forced little laugh. She looks away from him to check her nails, pretending to be unbothered by this, by _him._ Though he can't help but notice how quickly she tucks her fingers into a fist, and moves her hand back to her side. Her nails are chewed down to the quick—cuticles torn—the result of a nervous habit. He remembers that about her. From before.

“I…” He starts the sentence without knowing where it’s going to end. He has so much to say to her, but he has no idea how to say it. Luckily, she cuts him off before he can get anywhere.

“Right,” she scoffs. “See you around, Solo."She bumps into his shoulder on her way past him, and he can’t help but feel like she put a little too much force into it than was necessary. But he'll take his lumps. And his chance at escaping. 

He has to _sprint_ back to the dorms before anyone notices the raging erection that quietly bloomed during their short conversation.

After he's finished taking care of his problem, he falls back in his too-small bed, a mess of spend pooled on his stomach, and thinks that there _must_ be a God. And that he is definitely being punished.

**1997**

The first time he sees her she’s in a “Niima’s Chippy” uniform: a neon blue polo, khaki pants, and a visor with a horrifically ugly cartoon fish embroidered on it. It’s unflattering. Completely hideous. But he can’t help but think how incredibly cute she looks in it.

And her _scent_.

It almost overpowers the overwhelming smell of oil, vinegar, and cod filling the chip shop. _Almost._ The school keeps him—and all the other designated teens—on a strict suppressant routine that make sure his senses are Beta-like, as to avoid any “accidents.”

But he’s never quite smelled anyone like her before. Hux _had_ said she smelled good. He’d come back to the dorms, after a trip to town, insisting he’d made the most “delicious discovery.” A newly presented Omega. No one believed him. But then again, he is a serial fucking bullshitter and no one ever believes what he says.

Ben, Poe, and Mitaka are the only ones bored enough to go along with him for dinner. They strap on Adidas and dress in their finest Ralph and Tommy attire, looking every bit the prep school boys they are—all to walk nearly five miles from the First Order estate into the small nearby village of Jakku. They might be rich, might be able to afford the nicest cars, but none of them have their licenses. And waiting for a cab would take longer than just making the trek on foot.

When they find they finally find the hole-in-the-wall shop, there's no one at the counter. No customer or worker in sight. But Hux insists they wait, so they pick the least sticky-looking table and slide into the flimsy plastic chairs. The rasp of the latest Oasis album is the only noise filling the shop. Ben gets restless after a few minutes, ready to ditch the boys and go back to his dorm room. But when the girl pops in from the back to greet them, all of the noise is sucked out of the room, and Ben's senses are on _fire._

And so they all just sit and gawk at this random Omega girl, like a bunch of uncouth, horny sixteen-year-old Alphas.

Which, to be fair, is exactly what they are. Well, Ben, Hux, and Mitaka are. Poe is a Beta, and seems completely disinterested in being here at all. He even pulls out his gameboy and starts playing Frogger at one point.

None of them have even ordered anything yet.

They’re just sitting.

And staring.

Ben knows it’s wrong. He knows she’s noticed them. And that she’s uncomfortable. Because she keeps looking over at them like a frightened rabbit, just waiting for them to make a move so she can have a reason to run away. She chews on her nails and bites her lip. But he just can’t stop looking at her. He’s transfixed. This must be what all the old books meant when they said Omegas have the ability to put “spells” on Alphas. He would do _anything_ for her—he would cut his _hair_ for her—and he doesn’t even know anything about her.

And the longer they sit there, the more he hates himself. The more he just wants to apologize and leave. The more he wants to hurt Hux and Mitaka for looking at her, too.

Another worker pushes through the swinging door from the back, breaking the boys from their sick little reverie. He looks about their age, too. Handsome, dark-skinned kid, and wearing the same stupid visor, blue shirt, and khakis. The girl swiftly runs to him, whispering to him, and then other boy stiffens and turns his attention to their table.

“Oh shit,” Hux says with a laugh. “She’s brought in backup.”

He throws his stuff down on the counter and approaches them with a fierce look on his face. Ben might even be frightened of him if this kid were an Alpha too. But as soon as he’s close enough, his scent reveals he’s one of the lucky ones—a Beta.

“Can I help you lads?” The kid asks with an edge to his voice. He folds a pair of thick arms across his chest, covering a name tag with “Finn” printed in comic sans on it.

“Just trying to decide what to order from your fine establishment,” Poe jokes, pulling a menu in front of his face.

“You’ve been sitting here for fifteen minutes,” Finn says through his gritted teeth.

“Your point?” Hux spits.

“There are literally ten things on the menu. Shouldn’t take you this long to order. Normally I’d make you lot come up to the counter to order—we don’t do table service here. But I’ll do you a favor and take your orders right here, right now.”

“I’ll have the haddock,” Poe says, smiling up at the other boy, blissfully unaware of the tension. Ben doesn’t know why he’s friends with him. He’s incredibly frustrating to be around, and doesn’t really even seem to like Ben or Mitaka. And _no one_ likes Hux.

“You?” Finn says, breaking Ben out of his reverie.

“Uh. Do you guys have chicken?” Ben asks.

“You see any chicken on the menu?”

“Uhm. No,” Ben says, fumbling with the menu card in front of him.

“That answers your question then. This is a fish shop. If you want chicken, there’s a McDonald’s down the road,” Finn completely dismisses Ben then, and turns to Mitaka. “What about you?”

“Uh—I—uh—“

Finn doesn’t even give the stuttering boy a chance to answer before dismissing him all together, too, and turning to the redhead.

“You?”

“I wouldn’t eat any of this shit even if I were fucking starving,” Hux says, with an unbearably smarmy smile on his face.

“Great!” Finn claps his hands together and plasters a brilliant fake smile on his face. “Then you can all get the fuck out of here and stop staring at my friend like a bunch of predatory Alpha perverts.” Finn turns on his heel.

“Excuse me? You’re manager will be hearing of this!” Hux shouts, but Finn waves him off as he returns to the other side of the counter. Back to the Omega whose cheeks are dimpled with a restrained smile—she’s so very clearly trying to suppress laughter.

Ben knows his face must be completely aflame. He’s never been so humiliated in his life. He didn’t even get to talk to the girl and she already hates him.

But at least he got to see her smile. Even if it was because she was laughing at Finn burning him and his friends.

As soon as they all stand, she turns away and pretends to clean the very same spot on the counter she’s been wiping down for the past five minutes.

Hux—acting in typical Hux fashion—knocks the tip jar over on his way out. Mitaka looks shocked and scurries behind. Poe tells him he’s out of order, but steps over the coins and leaves all the same.

Ben, though. Ben bends down to pick the change up.There wasn’t much in the jar to begin with—there’s only a few coins scattered across the grimy tiles—so it doesn’t take long. He slips a tenner out of his pocket and into the jar before he stands back up to put it back on the counter.

He’s surprised to see the girl standing there, staring at him, when he gets up. He holds the plastic out to her and she just eyes it suspiciously for a few tense moments before she rips it from his hands. He doesn’t even have the chance to say anything—to apologize—before she runs into the back. He chances a look over at the other kid, Finn, who just raises brows and shakes his head at Ben.

Ben walks back to First Order alone, silently punishing himself the whole way. He's a failure. An absolute animal. He shouldn't be allowed in public.

A part of him wishes he would have never followed Hux out here. Hux's plans always bring nothing but trouble. But another part is so blissfully happy that he did. He probably would have never had the chance to see her had he not.

And he knows he has to go back. He knows he has to know her. If she'll let him, anyway.

All he knows of her right now is her name. He caught it on her name tag before she ran from him. 

_Rey._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told myself a few things when I started writing fic: 
> 
> 1) That I wouldn't write teenager AU's because I haven't been a teenager in a minute. And because I just don't really like them (outside of a select few works).  
> 2) I wouldn't write another A/B/O fic because I already had my fun and wanted to try something new.  
> 3) I wouldn't write anything else until I finished my other WIPs (apologies to anyone waiting on TGWP...update coming soon, I promise!)
> 
> But then I had the idea for this and that all went out the window. This is not going to be anything groundbreaking. Just a bit of fun because life sucks right now. Enjoy.
> 
> Also, please forgive any errors, as I can't proofread for shit. And happy Easter to those who celebrate :)
> 
> You can find me on tumblr @ captaincabinetsao3 
> 
> TW for this chapter: a slight bit of what could be considered stalking


	2. Chapter 2

**1999**

He has two classes with her.

This horrifies and delights him in equal turns.

She sits way across the room in their modern world history class.

But she’s sat directly in front of him in their chemistry course. And he has the most painfully tempting view of the back of her neck. Sometimes, when she leans forward, her shirt slips just _so_ and he can see her mating gland.

Her scent, too, is overwhelming. It’s definitely muted from the mandatory blockers and suppressants they’re all required to be on, but it’s still the most incredible thing he’s ever smelled. He sometimes fantasizes about stealing her sweater off the back of her chair and rubbing it all over himself. And sometimes he fantasizes about much more...unsavory things.

It makes it hard to process anything that’s going on in class. And he quickly starts to fall behind.

Ben has always been a good student—a great one, even—though he’s always pretended like he doesn’t give a shit about his education. But he does, he really does. He probably would’ve been able to get into First Order prep on one of their impossible-to-get scholarships if he needed it. Which he didn’t, considering all the family legacies he has attached to him. Amidala. Skywalker. Organa. Solo.

He wonders how much money Rey has now that she’s a Palpatine. He wagers it must be a lot. Sheev had his slimy hands in a lot of pockets.

She’s probably one of the wealthiest people at this school, now. Ben’s sure she has more than his own family does. And definitely more than the Hux’s—a fact which has pissed off the redhead to no end.

Ben can tell he’s mad about it because he hasn’t shut up about her since she arrived. Every time she’s around he always finds something wrong with her hair or her uniform. He calls her a slag. An Omega whore. Ben's tried to defend her a couple times, but Hux always makes some snide remark like "you _would_ say that Solo." Whatever that means.

He even goes so far as to spreads a rumor that she’s a pretender—creates a whole conspiracy that she murdered Palpatine’s _real_ granddaughter and assumed her identity just to get her hands on the fortune.

Ben has to restrain every instinct he has to stop from choking the other Alpha out. After everything, he still wants to protect her.

Hux never bother’s to approach her, though. He never says anything to her face. And that’s how Ben knows that Hux is scared of her. But he can’t really blame him—he’s scared of her, too. She’s the most intimidating person he’s ever met. She makes him question every stupid thing he’s ever heard about Omegas. She makes him question his own status as an Alpha.

The tables have really turned. She’s not a fried fishmonger anymore. She’s the granddaughter of one of the most powerful men in Britain. She has the highest social position in this school (though she doesn’t seem to know or care about it). And no matter how many shitty little comments or rumors he spreads, Hux can’t do anything about that. She’s untouchable.

She’s definitely untouchable to Ben. Quite literally, because she won’t let him anywhere near her. Not that he’s actively trying to be around her. In fact, he’s actively trying to _avoid_ her, and yet he still seems to end up in her vicinity multiple times during the day.

And she always gives him a tight, stern little look at turns right back around, dragging whoever she is with with her. Probably whispering terrible things about them in their ears. _He's an idiot. He's an embarrassment to Alpha-Kind. He can't control himself._

Rey quickly finds her own group of friends—Rose Tico, Kaydel Connix, and his own friend group’s recent defector, Poe Dameron. He can understand her friendship with Tico and Connix They’re both pleasant enough. And they’re Omega’s too. But Dameron? It makes something in his stomach go sour every time he sees him with her. And it’s not jealousy. It’s not.

His only reprieve from all the bullshit is his lunch hour. He’s stopped eating in the dining hall—for various reasons. He’s used to sitting alone anyway, as none of his “friends” have his lunch hour—not that he really enjoys sitting with them, anyway. But Rey does share his lunch hour, and he’s sick of the glares and the _smell._

So as the weather has gotten nicer, he’s taken to just eating in the school courtyard.

He just figures if he has to be alone, he’d like to be alone outside. In the fresh air. And so whenever the weather is nice—and even when it’s not—he grabs his walkman, pulls on his jacket, and goes outside to lay in the grass if the ground isn’t too wet.

Today the weather is cool, but the sun is shining, and so he sprawls his long limbs out in the grass. He pulls on his headphones and hums his music to himself, popping squares of his Dairy Milk bar into his mouth.

_Oh, you creep up like the clouds_

_And you set my soul at ease_

_Then you let your love abound_

_And you bring me to my knees_

He starts to doze off, eyes shuttering on their own, but his solace is ruined by a shout in the distance.

He opens his eyes and moves to sit up, but he’s _smacked_ so hard in the face with something that his headphones fly off and he’s knocked back into the grass. He clutches his ringing ears, and moans a little.

He sees stars as he pushes himself up. When his vision focuses again, he sees that he’s not alone in the courtyard anymore. He’s not the only one who has decided to take advantage of a sunny day in England. Groups of students

A beat-up soccer ball is lying in the grass to his left. And to his right, a tiny figure is running towards him.

“Oh my God! Oh my God! Ben! I’m so sorry! I told her not to kick it in your direction, but she said it would just fly over you, but then you sat up and I—“

“It’s okay, Rose,” he says, rubbing at his tender nose and cheek.

But Rose continues ranting a string of apologies. Rey hesitantly walks up behind her, and her sweet jasmine scent feels like another slap in the face. When their eyes meet, she quickly folds her arms and presses her lips into a thin line, standing her ground. But her eyes. _Those_ look remorseful.

“Rey! Apologize!” Rose demands, turning to glare at the other girl.

“Sorry, Solo,” she mutters not looking him in the eye. Then she grabs her soccer ball and disappears.

“We’ll play on the other side of the courtyard,” Rose assures him.

  
“It’s okay. I’ll just…eat in my room.”

Rose begins to protest, telling him that he should stay outside and enjoy the sunny day. They won't bother him. But he can’t now. Not with her out here. Not with her scent baking in the sunshine, wafting into his nostrils with the wind. So begins to pack up his things and stands to leave.

“See you tomorrow,” he says quietly. And the tiny girl nods, understanding his meaning, but still clearly uncomfortable with what just transpired.

He puts his headphones back on, and the sultry voice is still wafting through the speakers.

_But oh, it's so evil, my love, the way you've no_

_Reverence to my concern_

_So I'll be sure to stay wary of you, love_

_To save the pain of once my flame and twice my burn_

**1997**

The Friday after their first time at the chip shop, Hux decides he wants to go back. 

  
  
He gathers a pile of other dumb Alpha fuckers from school—a much larger group this time since his claim about the Omega was proven correct—to head into town. The group fills all three of the small tables that were already too-tightly fit into the shop. 

Ben tells himself he only goes with them to keep an eye on the situation. To make sure none of them try anything with her. To protect her. But really, it’s because he’s just too weak to his burgeoning Alpha instincts to resist. It’s like finally having a bit of sunshine in this gloomy country. It’s no matter that she clearly fucking hates all of them being here.

He is surprised to see Poe go again. Ever since they all met their first year at FO, Poe was always the moral center for all of them—which is certainly saying something. But Poe has absolutely nothing to gain from this excursion. Ben can only surmise that he must love fish and chips.

For Hux, it’s no longer about winning over or gawking at the Omega—Rey. It’s just about revenge. It’s about wielding the little power he has. They embarrassed him, and now he’s going to make them pay in the only way he knows how: by being a sniveling little shit.

Many of them do order food this time, though. Ben volunteers to go up to give the orders. He thinks this might be his chance to talk to her. To apologize in advance for anything Hux might do. But she quickly disappears into the back again, and her knight in shining armor, Finn, takes her place at the register. Ben tries to be as courteous as possible to the Beta boy, even though Finn is making no effort to hide his disdain. He practically throws their food on the counter when he goes to retrieve their orders.

Ben repays him by dropping a fiver into the jar. Finn doesn’t say thank you—pretends not to see it—though Ben knows he did.

They spend nearly two fucking hours in Niima’s and Ben is nauseated. The thick, greasy fries he ate are not a good combination with Hux’s disgusting behaviour. The sweet, but fleeting scent of the Omega mixed with vinegar and cod isn’t helping, either.

Rey only makes an appearance a couple times throughout their time there, probably opting to do kitchen duties so she can work in peace. He can’t blame her. Every time she walks through the doors, the group of animals cat call her. A few even take to throwing food on the ground, beckoning her over to do her duty to pick it up. She doesn’t. She ignores it. But he can see the way it makes her jaw tighten and her eyes burn with rage. He thinks he can even _smell_ her anger, too, though that could just be the sourness of the lemons littering their table.

Before they leave, Hux orders them to leave all their trash where it is. He loudly exclaims that the employees can clean it up. “It’s their job,” he says. All the boys snicker.

Poe, to his credit, does throw his shit away before he follows them out. But just his own. There are still three tables piled high with greasy wrappers and leftover bits of food.

And so Ben just starts grabbing as much as he can and has to make multiple trips back and forth to the trash can. He doesn’t look over at the counter because he just _knows_ Rey is there. That she’s come out of hiding. He can sense her.

When he throws his last soggy fry away, he finally chances a glance at the counter. At her. 

Her friend is nowhere to be seen. It's just her, standing there, looking intense and beautiful and exhausted. Her hazel eyes are narrowed at him in suspicion. But there’s a challenge in them, like she’s just hoping he’ll say something bogus so she has a reason to attack.

Ben swallows hard, willing his voice to work. He feels like his body is suddenly too small. Like he needs to claw himself out of his own skin. His throat feels tight and his heart is beating so loud in his ears that stupid Spice Girls song over the radio sounds like it’s a mile away.

“S—sorry,” he finally stutters.

Her muscles seem to go lax, and her eyes go wide. Her wide mouth parts a little, a small breath escaping.

He’s surprised her. He’s _confused_ her.

Her eyes leave his to look at the space behind him. The space that, despite Ben’s effort, is still a bit of a mess. And her face slowly morphs into a tight, angry little display. Her eyebrows fall and knit together tightly, and her nostrils flare wildly. When her eyes meet his again, they're severe and unrelenting.

“Leave,” she says, cooly.

Her frigid, sweet voice sends a shiver down his spine. His dick jumps, clearly not registering the ire and venom in her tone.

But he listens. And he runs. He flies back to school as fast as his legs can, even passing up Hux and his cronies on the way.

When he’s finally locked inside his room he makes a decision.

He can’t do that again.

If Hux asks again next week, he’ll tell him to fuck off.

He won’t go back.

_He won’t, he won’t, he won’t._

**1999**

Ben sits in the creaky wooden stairwell of the library building, just waiting, as he usually does on Saturday nights.

He hears light footsteps coming from behind him, and a feminine, slightly minty scent follows. The tension in his body escapes, relieved to know she didn’t stand him up. That she hasn’t been turned against him yet. She sits on the stair above him and grabs his jaw, turning his bruised eye towards her so she can get a better view.

“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph this looks so bad, Ben. I’m so, so sorry about yesterday.”

Ben looks up at Rose, whose face is pinched, laden with worry. He likes this about Rose. He likes having someone care about him, even if it has to be in secret.

He’s not really sure _why_ it has to be a secret. Probably something to do with all of his friends hating her, and all of her friends hating him. Associating with each other outside of their own secret space would be…confusing. They can’t disrupt the social order. It’s stupid, but it’s just the way it is.

They started meeting up like this nearly six months ago. They’d both just returned back to school from the States. They’d both had _funerals_ to attend. Her sister died right around the same time his father did, and neither of them returned to school for a while after that. And when they did, something in both of them had clearly changed. They came back different people.

Rose, once shy and reserved, became more social. She surrounded herself with people all day everyday. So she didn't have to think. So she didn't have to _remember._

Ben, though, Ben became a shut-in. He avoided his friends, though that wasn't much of a chore. He avoided the school counselor. He avoided anyone that would make him talk about his father or his feelings. That was until Rose.

He didn’t cry at the funeral. He didn’t cry during his weeks-long stay at home. And he didn’t cry when he had to return to England. But on his first day back to school he became so overwhelmed he had to excuse himself from class. He ended up in the stairwell of the library building. He sat down, and the tears finally found their way out of his eyes.

And that’s where Rose found him, huddled against the cold brick wall, completely broken.

He was scared at first, when he saw that he was caught. He thought she was going to make fun of him. That she was going to tell everyone and ruin his reputation—though he’d been doing a pretty solid job ruining his reputation himself. He was ready to lash out until she sat down next to him. And to his surprise, she just started to cry herself.

They did that for a couple weeks. Maybe even a month. And when they decided they were sick of crying, they found other things to do.

Sometimes they read or eat or play games. She usually makes him listen to her girly Lilith Fair music, which he pretends like he hates. But mostly they just sit and talk. They share everything with each other. He doesn’t think he’s ever opened up to anyone the way he has her. And he thinks maybe it’s the same for her.

He even knows that she likes girls, which he doesn’t think her other friends know. Especially not Jannah, who she’s totally in love with.

They have absolutely nothing in common—outside of their dead family members and immense stubbornness—but she’s probably the person he’s closest to in his life.

And now she’s best friends with the person who hates him the most.

“I told you it’s fine,” he mutters, turning his jaw out of her grasp. Turning his face away from her all-knowing gaze. He flips his too-long hair in front of his eye, hoping to hide it away a little.

“It’s not. She should’ve known better. I swear it’s like she kicked it at you on purpose.”

Ben bites his lip and gazes down at the steps. “Maybe she did.”

“She, like, _really_ hates you. I just don’t get it.”

“I know,” he mutters.

“Why?”

He's a little shocked, at first, to know that Rey hasn't blabbed to Rose about that night. She surely could have, and had the whole school laughing at him in no time. The shock wears, though, and he just sighs, loath to answer Rose.

“Something…happened. With us. Before.” He’s too embarrassed to even admit what happened to Rose. He’s bared his soul to her on many occasions, but telling her _that_ is just…way too embarrassing.

“She’s been at First Order, like, all of two seconds. I know you can be a shit, but what could you have possibly done already?”

“It was from _before_ before. We met two years ago.”

Rose’s eyebrows fly into her hairline.

“She failed to mention that.”

Ben hums.

“So?” She says.

“So, what?”

_“So_ what happened between you two?”

Ben sighs, trying to think of an answer that might satisfy her without having to tell the whole story.

“I made a complete fool out of myself. And I...I hurt her. And then we never spoke again. She has every right to hate me.”

“That’s all you’re going to give me?”

“Yep.”

“Fine. I won’t push since you’re clearly embarrassed about this,” she says, pushing herself off the stairs.

“Thank—"

She cuts him off, holding up a finger.

“But don't think I won't figure it out, Benjamin Solo." Oh, and we’re playing chess and listening to Bjork tonight.”

She skips down the steps into the dark library, heading to the media room where they usually hang. Ben grumbles after her. He can handle Bjork’s unintelligible wailing, but he absolutely _hates_ chess. Or rather, he hates chess with Rose because she always wins.

But it will be nice to do something normal.He’s felt completely uneasy this last week and a half.

The last time he felt this unsettled was two years ago.

The reason has remained the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twas ambitious of me to think I had the self-control to finish this in three chapters. I've upped the count to five. I think we'll be good there. We'll have Rey's perspective in the next chapter. 
> 
> Hope you're all well!
> 
> (You can find me on tumblr @ CaptainCabinetsao3)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please refer to the endnotes for any potential trigger warnings :)

**1999**

Rey Jones didn’t realize how much power a name could have until she got a new one.

_Palpatine._

She really hadn’t wanted a new name. Especially not _this_ new name.

When the solicitor found her at the chip shop those months ago, she was suspicious. He sat her down and told her she’d had a recently deceased grandfather who resided less than an hour away from her her whole life. The suspicion turned into amusement and she'd laughed in his face. And _then_ when he told her exactly who this mysterious grandfather was, the amused laughter turned bitter.

The man—one of the richest men in Britain—had lived alone, in riches his whole life. Meanwhile she lived in squalor, going from crappy foster family to crappy foster family with barely a quid to her name.

The solicitor told her that she could have everything that was his—which is _a lot._ All she had to do was take a DNA test, and then take his name.

That told her everything she needed to know.

Sheev Palpatine didn’t want to be a grandfather. He didn’t leave everything to her out of love or even guilt. He just didn’t want his name and bloodline to disappear. And she was his last and only shot, apparently. 

He disgusted her. And she was _so_ ready to refuse the money and the prospects and the name. Her pride couldn’t fathom the idea of it.

But then Finn convinced her not to.

He told her that she deserved the money and the security after a lifetime of having neither. He told her she could get into any university she wanted as a Palpatine—universities that wouldn’t look twice at another Jones. Life is hard enough as an Omega, and she should appreciate the privilege that’s been handed to her. She could do something else with his legacy, he had said. Something better.

And so everything changed.

Her name.

Her job.

Her clothes.

Her school.

She was practically a whole new person by the New Year. Sometimes she’s not even sure it really happened. But all it takes is one look down at her tacky black and red school uniform to confirm it’s true. She is Rey Palpatine.

Although there is one constant.

Ben Solo.

The prick.

It would be a lie to say the idea of seeing him again wasn’t a deciding factor in her decision to go to First Order Prep. She had an automatic acceptance due to her new name, and she knew it would look good on University applications. She also knew that _his_ cowardly ass was still sure to be holed up in the ugly, gothic buildings of the school.

But he wasn’t a deterrent. Quite the opposite. She couldn’t _wait_ to surprise him. To show him that she is just as good as him—better, even. To show him what he'd abandoned.

So on her first day back she sought him out like a bloodhound, and waited for just the right moment to bare her teeth. Her confidence came and went in waves. She had a speech prepared—she’d practiced it in her head, in front of the mirror, and in the shower. But then she spotted him sitting alone at his lunch table, and her heart lurched a little.

_Comfort your Alpha—he looks sad._

She couldn’t let her Omega side take over, though—no, she certainly wouldn’t make that mistake with him again. Not after what he did.

She had to talk herself up, remind herself that she’s a Palpatine, and approached him at the bins. And while it wasn’t as satisfying as she thought it would be, she was glad to know he was surprised to see her. She had caught him off guard. He stuttered over his words and chewed on his stupid pillowy lips, then ran like the coward he is.

Typical.

And maybe she went to the bathroom and cried, after. But that was probably just because she was overwhelmed with everything going on. Definitely not because she wasn’t as mentally prepared to see—or smell—him again as she thought she was.

No. She’s no fool. She knows what he’s like. She knows his true colors.

The annoyance she’s brought to Armitage Hux and his cunty comrades was all she needed to make herself feel better. She very sweetly reintroduced herself to him and she swears she saw a bit of steam come out of his ears. But he doesn't say _shit_ to her. Just reintroduces himself through gritted teeth.

People treat her differently here. She's not a wage worker at a greasy chip shop. She's not an orphan with only three different pairs of pants. She's not a sad Omega who can't afford decent suppressants or blockers. She's powerful here. 

She was surprised at how quickly she made friends at First Order. She wasn’t really planning on to. Finn was enough for her. And she thought she’d get in, focus on her studies, and get the hell out. Surely everyone there was like Ben Solo and Armitage Hux. But she might have been too quick to judge everyone who went to this school. They’re not so bad. Not as great as Finn, but definitely not traitorous, selfish cowards like some _other_ people. Even Poe is a tolerable presence—and an every-increasing one at that.

And it is nice to be around other designated teenagers. Sometimes it’s hard for Finn to understand that side of her. But these people understand.

She especially likes Rose, despite the tiny girl absolutely raking her over the coals yesterday.

Kicking that ball into Ben Solo’s face was an _accident._

She meant for it to just fly over him—give him a bit of a scare. But then he sat up, and it pelted him right in his big, dumb nose.

She felt bad. She really did. And she had walked up to him prepared to eat crow. But then she smelled him and saw his sad eyes and was reminded of that stupid storage closet, and all the pain and misery that followed after, and she just started to shake. So she apologized because Rose told her to and scurried away before he could say anything more to her. She couldn’t even look him in the eye.

When Rose confronted her later she didn’t have a good excuse for her behavior. She was close with the other Omega, but not enough to tell her about _that._ She just didn’t want the other girl to think differently of her. It’s none of her business, anyway.

So she just told Rose he's a privileged, sneaky little Alpha and left it at that. That excuse didn't satisfy Rose. And she kept defending him to Rey, which only made her more angry. She didn't want to hear it. She knows he can't be trusted. She knows his demure demeanor is all a show. He proved that to her two years ago.

They're currently in a fight. She's never had female friends before so she isn't really sure how long this fight is supposed to last. She hopes it ends soon, because she can't stop thinking about it. 

She’s up late trying to study her human sexuality test, but intrusive thoughts of Rose and Ben haven't helped the process. Normally she’d spend her Saturday nights in the village with Finn, but there’s a big exam on Monday and she needs all the extra study time she can get. It is so bloody _impossible_ to focus in that class with that six-foot furnace sitting behind her.

She’s haunched over a table in the dark common room of the Omega residence hall. A single lamp offering the only light in the room. It’s nearly midnight, and she’s exhausted. Her eyelids feel like sandpaper, and the muscles in her back and neck are screaming from sitting in the same position for too long. She gets up to stretch, takes a turn about the room, even does a few jumping jacks. But then she hears someone enter through the front door of the hall.

Rey pokes her head out into the corridor to catch the culprit. She hopes it’s not another Alpha trying to perv on the Omegas. She’s more than a little surprised to spy Rose creeping into the building.

_What the hell is she doing out so late?_ Rey wonders.

There is a midnight curfew on weekends for above-sixteens, so she’s technically fifteen minutes away from breaking any sort of rules.

_It’s probably a boy,_ she thinks, smirking a little at the very idea. Why else would she be out so late on a Saturday and hide it from her friends? It’s probably one she’s embarrassed to be seen with. Rey works through a little list in her

Rey creeps into the hall after her, ready to scare her friend in the stairwell. Ready to “catch her in the act,” as it were. Ready for a full-blown confession.

But as she starts to approach the stairs, Rey catches a whiff of something familiar.

Pine. Cinnamon. A hint of mint.

And uniquely Ben Solo.

Rey scurries back to the common room, packing up her things. There’s no chance that she’ll be able to get anymore studying done tonight. Not when the only thing running through her mind is _what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck?_

_Rose and Ben? Ben and Rose?_

Impossible. It’s impossible.

She works herself up to confront Rose. She'll start with an apology. She surely has to end their fight first before she can get any gossip.

But Rose doesn’t come to the door. She waits for a few more minutes. Knocks again. But Rose never comes. 

  
And as she waits she starts to think that maybe it isn’t so impossible.

Maybe her new friend and her sworn enemy really are together. Maybe that's why she was so quick to defend him yesterday. They’re in a secret relationship. The very idea makes Rey’s blood boil with something she can’t name. 

Rey is suddenly bursting with renewed energy. Not to study for her human sexuality course—bugger that—but to plot. 

** 1997 **

They’re back again.

She really fucking hoped they wouldn’t come back.

But she should’ve known they would. The things she hopes for never really come to pass.

She watches in horror as they pile in one by one, stinking up the joint with their sickly pubescent Alpha scents. She recognizes a few from the prior weeks—the little twat of a redhead, of course. The short, handsome jerk. The nervous one. A bunch of other unrecognizable faces pile in after until she spots the one she always seems to be looking for. The tall, skinny, dark-haired one who always looks like he’s in pain.The one with the big nose and long hair and _divine_ scent.The others smell like wet dog masked with Jean Paul Gaultier _Le Male._ But _he_ smells like a real Alpha.

He jams himself in the corner next to the handsome jerk, and doesn’t really talk to anyone. He stares sometimes, but for some reason his gaze doesn't make her feel as gross as the others. And he doesn't laugh or sneer or say anything. She sometimes fancies the idea that he's different than them. But then she remembers that he's still here. With them. Every week. And she thinks she must be kidding herself. 

These prep school boys think they're so fucking cool. A bunch of fucking Dylan McKay wannabes. It doesn't even phase her that they’re just as horrible as they were last week. They continue to catcall her and make suggestive gestures. They stare and leer and make her feel dirty. Nothing new.

And she doesn't say shit. Because she can't lose this job. And because there's no way, if it came to it, that she could take them all on. She doesn't have any backup this week. Finn is in London. His grandmother is sick, and he’s the only one who can take care of her—so Rey can’t be mad at him. But it means that she’s going to be left alone up front for the evening. And the cook, Teedo, certainly wouldn't help her.

She tries her very best not to sneer and talk back as she takes their orders. She thinks she's doing pretty well until the fuckin' ginger tosser opens his mouth.

“Why don’t you bring that sweet arse over here with my drink?”

He leans back in that plastic chair, all smug, and his friends laugh hysterically.

And _oh_ she’s fucking had it. She takes off her visor and whips it to the ground. She’s about to pull off her apron, but then the shop door opens, and in walks Plutt.

Her disgusting blob fish of a boss. Her disgusting blob fish of a _foster father._

He takes one look between her, and the stack of Alpha boys piled against the wall, and has already figured the situation out.

He’s a right bastard, but he’s not stupid.It wouldn’t take a designated person to figure out what’s going on here. But it would take a disgusting person to let it continue. And Plutt is, after all, a disgusting person.

“You best pick that visor up off the ground, girl. You want to look your best for our _paying_ customers.”

She bites her tongue so hard it bleeds. She swallows the coppery taste, and her pride, and picks up the visor, adjusting it back over her buns.

Plutt takes money out of the register—the tip jar, too—and leaves. He tells her to “be good” on his way out. She’s never wanted to murder anyone more.

Well not until she hears the redhead snicker and strategize how they'll make her life more miserable.

They leave soon after Plutt, and absolutely trash the place. Much, much worse than the week before.

The week before they left their trash on the tables.

This week they leave their trash _everywhere._ They purposely drop their food on the floor and smash it with their shoes. Condiments get spilled and spread. Drinks lose their lids and balance. 

Of course they all leave without cleaning it up.

But one stays.

The same one that stayed last week and the week before. She doesn't know his name. Doesn't quite have the courage to ask, either.

She watches him, just like she did last time. She can’t help but feel like he’s doing this because he thinks it’s the right thing to do, but because he’s trying to impress her. She’s heard Alphas do stuff like this to impress Omegas, but she certainly hasn’t had any experience with it. She only presented a few months ago.

When he finishes cleaning the best he can, he turns to her again. His face is just as sheepish as it was last week. He seems to be waiting for something. A thank you, probably. He's certainly not going to get one from her. _His_ mates caused this mess.

They stare at each other from opposite sides of counter. He fidgets an cracks his knuckles and stretches his muscles. He seems nervous. Insecure. Very un-Alpha. Maybe her nose is just tricking her and he's a beta after all. She wonders how long ago he presented.

Rey clears her own throat and her eyes catch something behind him, and a little idea forms in her head. A theory that she wants to test.

“You missed something,” she says, raising her hand to point behind him.

He takes a second to process what she’s said, and shakes his head as if trying to bring his eyes back into focus.

“What?” he asks.

His voice penetrates deep into her core.

“There’s a chip. On that chair. You missed it.”

He mashes his lips together—a tick she’s noticed he has—and turns to find the chip. He searches the tables and chairs until he finds it, then disposes of it with all the other trash. He returns to her, and seems to wait again. Like a dog playing fetch. But instead of a ball, he’s waiting for an order. A demand.

“You can go now,” she says flippantly, waving her hand towards the door.

He practically jumps at the command. She watches as he disappears into the hills, and as soon as she can't see him anymore she resumes her duties.

She doesn’t feel as miserable this week as she did the previous two. No, she feels quite good, actually. Despite almost two hellacious hours of work, she’s buzzing. So much so that she doesn’t even flip the Shania off the radio--and she's _really_ sick of Shania. 

For the first time since she's presented as an Omega, she feels like she's in control of something.  
  


Or, rather, _someone._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the long wait--had to finish up some stuff for school! We should be back on a fairly regular schedule from now on.
> 
> I actually mean to post this yesterday, but I had to deal with some bullshit and wasn't in the right headspace (do ya'll get along with your siblings?). I'm not super happy with it, and may make some small edits over the next few weeks.
> 
> Hope everyone is safe and well ❤️
> 
> TW: Brief sexual harassment


	4. Chapter 4

**1999**

Rey quickly makes up with Rose the day after she catches her sneaking back to the dorms. Though there is definitely still an underlying and unaddressed tension between them that makes Rey very cautious as to what she says around the other girl. Especially when it comes to Ben.

She doesn’t ask Rose what’s going on. That would be too easy. And probably incite a conversation that Rey isn't ready to have yet. No, she just waits and watches.

And when nothing comes of that, Rey tries to drop hints in every conversation, just to see if the subject of Ben will come up. It never does. And when _that_ doesn’t work, Rey starts purposely seeking Ben out, and drags Rose in his general direction. Not to talk to him, of course, just to walk past to gauge any sort of reaction. She keeps her nose sharp to see if either of them have a scent spike or any sort of reaction to each other. And while Ben’s scent definitely heightens, Rose’s always stays completely neutral.

It's become an incredibly frustrating endeavor, trying to figure this out. Rose and Ben don’t interact at school--they barely even _look_ at each other. And Rey she catch any more whiffs of Ben on her friend, either. She feels like she's at a dead end.

A week passes and the only person Rose has really hung out with is Rey. And Ben only seems to hang with noone but himself.

She’s noticed that. Since she’s started here she never sees him with the others—the Alphas that came to Niima’s every Friday to make her evening hell. The rest of them are still frequently spotted carousing with each other. Sometimes they are bullying underclassmen. Or whispering in the corner about her murdering Palpatine or some other bullshit. But Ben is never with them.

She didn’t think much about it at first. She just figured he was just being arrogant. Too cool to hang with them. But just a few days ago she witnessed Phasma—a female Alpha she recognized from the chip shop—push his headphones off his head during their free period.

Rey saw _red_ when it happened. She saw how his big hands clenched around his headphones and the flare of his nostrils, and she lost her mind for a second. She was ready to go and grab Phasma’s hair and have a row with her. Damn the fact that she would have definitely lost that fight. It was the purpose of the thing. 

_Ben is mine,_ she had thought.

And then she immediately had to shake that notion from her head. Because no, he’s not. She has to remind herself over and over that she doesn't even _like_ Ben anymore. And the boiling fury stars to simmer.

Ben can handle himself. And he did, because he turned around with fury in his eyes and said something snarky to the blonde Amazon. Rey couldn't catch it, but she looked just as pissed as he did when she walked back to her table. But then he slowly starts to relax, and just puts the headphones back on and continues with his work.

“Why do they all seem to hate him?” She asks Rose, nodding her head over at where Ben is sitting.

Rose _laughs_ at the question, which surprises Rey.

“What?” she asks.

“Nothing. I’m just surprised _you_ would ask is all.”

Rey tightens her lips—she doesn’t have a retort for that. Rose still gives her an answer, though maybe she doesn’t deserve one.

“I think they’re just mad that he doesn’t hang out with them anymore. He hasn’t for a while. He used to sort of be their leader.”

“Wait—what? Really?”

In the months that she knew him she never got the impression that Ben Solo was ever their leader. He never spoke up during all those times at Niima’s. She has to suppress a hot lash of anger.

“They were really tight when they all started here. I’m sure it partially because he’s an Alpha, but I think it also has something to do with his grandfather co-founding this school.”

Now Rey thinks that Rose must be bullshitting her.

“No, but… _Anakin Skywalker_ co-founded this school with my grandfather…” Rey tries to make sense of this new information.

“Anakin Skywalker _is_ his grandpa, Rey.” Rose speaks slowly, as if she’s speaking to a complete imbecile. And maybe she kind of is, because Rey feels like an _idiot_ right now.

“I—I didn’t know that.”

Their grandfathers were once friends. And then became sworn enemies. Just like them. Maybe it's just in their blood. Maybe it was never meant to be.

“He’s not very open about it--probably doesn't want to have to deal with the legacy. Anyway, there’s probably a lot you don’t know about him, Rey.”

Rose gives her an absolutely _loaded_ look. One that Rey cannot even begin to decipher, but it makes her feel shameful nonetheless. And just when she’s about to question the other girl, Kaydel comes up to them and starts blabbering on about some dating show she’s started to watch. Rey doesn’t get her chance to ask what Rose knows.

She instead sits there, staring blankly in Ben’s direction, and thinks about all the things she doesn’t know about him.

The list is…long. Very long. And she wonders if she ever knew him. She really felt like she did, for a while there. She felt a connection to him that she’d never felt with anyone else before. And that connection made her make rash decisions. But she so thought he felt the same. But she knows _now_ that that was a false veil to get what he wanted out of her.

He’s not the Ben who came into the chip shop. That Ben was an idealized Ben that she made up in her head to make herself feel better.

But maybe he’s also not the villain she decided he was after everything happened.

**1997**

The First Order Fuckers—a moniker Finn lovingly gave them—repeat their charade for another few weeks.

They come, they harass her and Finn, and then they leave a massive mess before they leave.

But Ben always stays behind.

He finally told her her his name in a flurry of word vomit before he ran out during his fourth visit.

She feels like she's been given a gift, when he tells her his name. Like she's in possession of something special. Important.

Rey tries different little demands on _Ben_ each time he visits.

He should probably be on payroll at this point.

During his fourth visit she tells him to do the mopping for her.

During the fifth visit she gets him to take the rubbish out to the dumpster and fix the leg on one of the tables.

And during the sixth, she maybe pushes her limits a little by telling him to get down on his hands and knees and scrape the gum from the undersides of the tables.

He does it all without complaint. More than that, he does it all _willingly._

He attempts to make conversation with her, as he works. He asks simple, stupid things like what her favorite color is and who would win in a battle between Mr. Blobby and the red Telly Tubby.

She doesn’t ask him any questions in return—at first. She tells herself she doesn’t want to know anything about him. But she soon discovers she loves the way his scent seems to spike when she speaks to him—especially when she praises him. Or thanks him. So she tries to do it more and more. She becomes addicted to it.

She’s tried to hard to suppress her Omega instincts as much as she can since presenting. Her designation has only made her life harder, and it was fucking brutal already. But when she’s around him she has a little hope that this whole Omega thing might not be so bad. That not all Alphas are like his friends.

She felt a little bad after he left last week. He worked hard on scraping the piles of gum from underneath the tables. It’d be a lie to say she didn’t gag more than once just watching him. She was glad she didn’t have to do it. But as her tenderness for him grows. So does her guilt. She thinks maybe she shouldn’t be taking advantage of the one Alpha who makes her feel safe.

It was vindication, at first, to see this rich, privileged American boy do all her bidding. It’s _his_ friends that make all the messes, anyway. But the more she watches him the more she sees how desperate he is to make up for it. How eager he is to please her.

So she's tried her hardest to think of ways to make it up to him. She's got a few ideas. She just doesn't know how bold she can be. Or how far his interest in her lies outside of liking the way she smells. He's a horny Alpha and she's a newly presented Omega, and so she can't dismiss the possibility that he's just messing with her for a laugh.

Finn has been present for most of these odd exchanges. She knows it confuses him, but he seems to dismiss it as some kind of stereotypical Alpha/Omega behavior.

Her best friend throws her baffled and vaguely judgmental stares throughout it all, but doesn’t question her. He’s probably enjoying seeing Ben do the grossest parts of their side work, too.

Finn break his silence on the seventh Friday.

She can tell he’s been absolutely bursting to say something from the moment she walked into the shop for her shift. His eyes widened at the very sight of her—almost like he doesn’t recognize her.

“Why’re you all fancied up?” He asks, trying to sound casual.

“I’m not fancied up,” she defends, hand immediately flying to the new choker necklace she bought herself.

And maybe she also bought a new pair of trainers. And maybe she crimped her hair a little. And _maybe_ she’s wearing a bit of lipliner and clear lipgloss. And, okay, there _might_ be heaps of Great Lash coating her eyelashes, too. But these things _do not_ constitute as “fancied up.”

“You are,” Finn accuses. “You got makeup on and everything. I’ve never seen you put this much effort in to come to work. Normally you walk in here looking like a tramp.”

“Maybe I like looking nice every once in a while!” she shouts, throwing a dirty towel at him.

He throws the towel right back at her. And the he pauses. She can feel his eyes boring into the back of her head as she continues her prep work.

“Ahhhh, I see.” When she turns to Finn, he’s got a knowing smirk plastered on his face.

“What?” Rey bites. “What’s that look for?”

“Just realized why you’ve decided to go all Posh Spice on me, that’s all. It’s for that weird looking Alpha boy isn't it?”

Rey chokes on her own air. She has to turn away from Finn, otherwise he’ll start taking the Mickey out of her red face.

“They’re _all_ weird looking,” she says, feigning ignorance.

“You know who I’m talking about. The one with the nose and the ears and the wannabe Beckham hair.”

“…He’s not _that_ weird looking,” she mutters.

“He is. He looks like that guy from _Speed_ made love to Mickey Mouse”

“At least he’s interesting to look at. There’s substance there,” she snaps. “You only like pretty boys.”

“Do not,” he gasps, throwing his hand to his chest like he’s absolutely appalled.

  
“Did you not say Pat Sharp was your ideal type, and that no other man could compare, just two days ago?”

“Pat Sharp is _everyone’s_ ideal type! He’s Pat fuckin’ Sharp! And you like pretty boys too! Uh, remember your Leonardo DiCaprio phase from a few months ago? And the singer from Blur?”

“Damon Albarn is an _artist!_ I’m not attracted to him because he’s hot, _Finn._ I’m attracted to him because he's a musical genius!”

Finn scoffs. “A creative genius who _just so happens_ to be hot.”

“Ugh. Shut up,” she abruptly ends _that_ facet of the conversation. “Anyway, I’m biologically wired to be attracted to that Beckham wannabe. So who knows what’s real and what’s not anymore.”

Finn gives her a look she can only describe as disappointed confusion.

“You’re not attracted to any of the rest of them, are you? You don’t stand around and play weird mind games with any of them. I mean you have to know that’s not _really_ how all that works, Reymundo. You have a choice.”

“Don’t tell me how _my_ designation works,” she snaps. “You’re a Beta. You could never understand.”

Finn stares at her for a second, not saying anything, and she’s grateful he doesn’t. She doesn’t like fighting with him. And she knows he’s got a good argument in him. His next words are probably chosen very carefully.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.”

She doesn’t respond. They both go back to their duties. They take care of a few customers, and switch back and forth with cooking duty and dishes. And after an hour, Rey’s cooled off and hopes he has, too. Rey sticks around out front after handing a customer a to-go order. She lingers for a while, waiting to see if he’ll say anything. When he doesn’t, she tries her hand at breaking the ice.

“The guy from Speed and Mickey Mouse, huh?” Rey giggles.

“I think that’s pretty accurate,” Finn defends, and she’s so grateful to hear the lightness of humor in his voice.

“I don’t see it, but I’ll give you points for creativity.”

“Take a closer look. He’s headed this way right now.”

Her head immediately shoots towards the glass door, and she sees Ben walking towards the shop.

Alone.

His posse is nowhere to be seen.

Something in her stomach stirs. A warmth. A fondness.

The Alpha boy is trudges towards the shop in the dreary rain, bundled and hooded in a grey sweatshirt and jean jacket. His eyes are immediately on her when he pushes the glass door open, and he gifts her with a sweet, tight-lipped smile. He immediately comes to the register to order. Rey pushes Finn out of the way, and he has the decency to disappear into the back.

“Hi,” Ben says, low and shy.

“Hi,” Rey’s light voice responds. “Where’s the rest of you?”

“It’s spring recess. They all went on holiday with their families.”

“But not you?”

“No.” He sounds solemn, and doesn’t elaborate. She just nods. This might be the most they’ve ever spoken to each other.

“Are you going to order?”

“Maybe just some fries?”

“You always just order chips,” she observes, writing down his order. “Do you even like fish?”

“Uhhh…no. Not really.”

She doesn’t know why, but that makes her smile.

“Okay. A basket of chips coming right up. For here or to go?”

“For…here.”

That makes her smile wider. He hands her a fiver, and tells her to keep the change. Out of habit, she goes to put it in the tip jar, but he places his hand over the plastic lid, and tells her to put it in her pocket. He must have caught onto Plutt’s greed when the old blob was in here last. She does as he says, hoping she’ll remember to split with Finn later. 

He doesn’t sit in his usual corner spot. With every table to himself, he parks himself in the seat with the best view of her. They take furtive glances at each other as Rey waits for the chips to be finished.

She looks at him. He looks back. She looks away. He looks at her. She looks back. He looks away. Small smiles are peppered in between.

It’s an agonizing affair, but neither of them speak to each other.

It’s odd to have him here, like this. There are no other Alphas to make her life hell or a mess to tell him to clean up. There’s no denying it. He came here for her.

And that revelation sets a load of butterflies loose in her stomach.

Her face feels hot and her palms have gone all sweaty. Her plastic choker suddenly feels like it’s _actually_ choking her.

She has very much _never_ felt this way before. Not even with Leonardo DiCaprio or Damon Albarn. And definitely not any other boy she’s ever met.

And maybe it’s just the Omega in her. Maybe presenting those months ago has completely fucked her up, and she's making a mistake. But she wants him. And so she decides to be bold.

Finn drops the basket of chips next to her when they’re ready, and she doesn’t miss the suspicious glance he bounces between them before disappearing into the back.

She grabs the basket and leaves her side of the counter, delivering them directly to the table. He goes to thank her, but his words fall short on his lips when she sits down across from him.

“Would you--” Rey starts, but then gets distracted from a presence behind the counter.

Rey looks over to see Finn creeping on them through the door. Her friend immediately looks away, and pretends like there’s something very interesting in the kitchen he must tend to.

She looks back to Ben, whose eyes are wide and intent and his cheeks are stuffed full of greasy potato. She clears her throat.

“Would you...like to go on a date?” The words come out in a quick stream. Like ripping off a bandaid.

He stops chewing and just gapes at her, and she thinks that she better not have to repeat herself. It took a lot to just ask once.

Ben swallows his food hard before he finally answers.

“Yes.”

**1999**

After three weeks of gathering reconnaissance on Rose and Ben, Rey finds one suspicious consistency. One that maybe should have been obvious from the very beginning.

Every Saturday night Rose goes to the library building—despite it being very much closed and off-limits. And she always comes back minutes before curfew—just like she did when Rey first caught her weeks ago.

Rey catches through a window and watches her run back minutes before curfew hits two weeks in a row. And after talking with a few of their friends, Rose’s Saturday night routine is confirmed.

Rey’s mind goes wild with the possibilities of what her friend could be doing in there. And every scenario hurts to think about.

Surely— _surely_ Rose and Ben aren’t having sex in the stacks. That would be preposterous.

But it’s not unheard of. This school is chalked full of hormonal Alphas and Omegas. She hears stories. She knows there are ways to get it done, despite them all being closely monitored. 

So when the next Saturday night arrives, Rey stakes out the library for a little while through her dorm window. Sure enough, she spots Rose leave the dorms and stealthily run across the courtyard to the side doors of the library building.

But there’s no sign of Ben anywhere. Rey waits and waits but never sees him come.

The waiting becomes too much, and the curiosity overwhelms Rey. So she runs into the library building after her friend.

She checks each interior door she passes, but finds that everything is locked. She finds her way into the stairwell, and makes her way up the stone steps. Then she hears something. The lull of music. It’s Alanis—which is definitely consistent to what Rose would listen to. She follows the lyrics to “Head Over Feet” to the door of the media room—which is very much _not_ locked.

Rey pushes the door open as softly and quietly as she can.

Rose is in there--alone. She’s sitting on the floor in front of the radio, humming and sifting through old cassettes and albums. 

There’s no Ben Solo in sight, and _certainly_ no one hooking up in the stacks.

And then Rey just feels stupid. She’s created this whole scenario in her head. She made herself angry, and worked herself up—over _nothing._

She starts to back up quietly—she doesn’t want Rose to know she was ever there. When she reaches the door, she turns on her heel…

…and runs face first into the chest of Ben Solo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive any errors--I'll get to them eventually :)
> 
> Yes, I added a chapter, but the big question will be answered next chapter.
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr @ Captaincabinetsao3.tumblr.com


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please refer to the endnotes for any trigger warnings :)

**1999**

Really, he shouldn’t be surprised to see her here.

She’s been _everywhere_ lately.

Every time he turns a corner—there she is. Like a vengeful little ghoul. He thinks maybe this is some weird, new form of torture for her. He wouldn’t put it past her. Death by exposure to very angry Omega—that is his destiny.

He thought he caught wind of her scent in the stairwell on his way up here—but he seems to just smell her everywhere anyway, so he didn’t think much of it. But then he gets to the doorway, and sees her standing in the middle of the room, just staring at Rose’s back. And he has to start questioning whether or not he’s seeing things now—if his sanity is still intact.

What he is surprised to see is that Rosie doesn’t seem to notice she’s even in here. Neither of them are talking. Rose is sitting on the floor, clicking through some cassette tapes and humming along to the music. He had heard they were in some sort of fight, but he didn’t know the details of it. Maybe this is just some weird girl thing that he will never understand.

Rey eyes the other girl for a second longer before she starts slowly backing away. She’s trying to sneak out.

Ben goes into panic mode. Should he be backing away, too? Should he sneak out so neither of them will know that he was ever here?

He wants to run, but his body just won’t move. Frozen in fear.

And then Rey runs into him. Smacks her face right into his chest, and snaps her head up to face his. Her eyes are like huge hazel saucers. Her face reveals nothing but guilt, plain and simple. He’s just caught doing _something._ He just doesn’t know what, yet.

As quiet as their exchange his, Rose still notices them. She does a comical double take, before she abruptly stands, a pile of cassettes falling from her lap.

“Rey!” She screeches. “What are you doing here?”

Rey’s face scrunches, and for a second he thinks she’s about to bury it in his chest to hide. But she sighs, and turns around.

“I, uh…wanted to check out a cassette from the library.” It sounds more like a question, as if she’s not confident in her clearly very bad excuse..

“The library’s closed,” Rose says slowly, eyes suspiciously flitting between Rey and Ben. They’re still standing so close to each other. Ben slowly inches to the left, trying to make space between them. For his own good, really.

“Then why are _you_ in here?” Rey snaps, the accusation clear, folding her arms across her chest.

Rose immediately crosses her arms across her chest, too, mimicking Rey’s power stance.

“The librarian gave me a key,” she snaps back.

Rose didn’t have many friends her first few years at FO, and spent most of her time in the library. She’d study, read and organize shelves without being asked. She eventually became close with Holdo, the librarian, who allowed her non-supervised access to certain parts of the library.

“Does she know _he_ comes in here with you?” Rey points a frightening little finger at him.

“Not…exactly,” Rose answers. “But Holdo trusts me. We just listen to music. Sometimes use the computers. That’s it.”

“Sure,” Rey mutters, folding her arms together. Ben again wonders what has happened between them to make Rey not believe her. He hates feeling like he’s missing something.

“You can hang out with us if you want to,” Rose says, relaxing her stance just the tiniest bit.

This is typical Rosie. Kill them with kindness. But this is very much not in Ben’s favor. He tries to send his friend a message with his eyes and lips. A very panicked _no, please take it back!_ But she doesn’t seem to be getting the message.

Rey narrows her eyes at Rose, and stays deadly silent for a painfully long time. He wishes he could read her mind, but the best he’s got to go on is her scent. And _that_ is as sour as her face right now.

She can’t stand him. There’s _no way_ she’ll stay here with both of them. There’s no way.

“Fine,” she says, practically stomping towards Rose and the radio. “But I get to pick the music.”

He’s going to die.

*** * * * ***

Rey only talks to Rose.

She doesn’t so much as spare a tiny glance in his direction. He clicks around on the desktop, trying to look very busy, but really he’s trying to listen to their conversation. It’s stilted first—their conversation—but the tension soon fades and they talk about normal shit.

They listen to Rey’s music—which Ben doesn’t really mind because it’s all stuff he likes. And the girls talk about the state of Monica and Chandler on _Friends,_ and Rosie’s latest addition to her Pog collection. Ben doesn’t understand the appeal of either those things, but doesn’t interject. Rose tries every once in a while to get him to join their conversation, but Rey interrupts anything he might say.

This goes on for an hour. Ben thinks about leaving. He can’t pretend to be chatting with someone on AOL forever. No one is online except Mitaka. And no one wants to talk to Mitaka. But he can’t bring himself to abandon his Saturday night plans just because Rey ruined them.

“I’m choosing the music next,” Rose says after a while. Rey doesn’t argue, because she says it in a way that tells everyone this isn’t up for debate.

She clicks around with the cassettes the library has stocked before she finds one. As soon as she puts it in she starts fast forwarding and skipping around. Rose does this a lot, when she wants to listen to something specific, and he really can’t stand it.

A dreamy, airy guitar fills the media room. Followed by a familiar, gentle Irish lull.

The color drains from Ben’s face.

It’s gone from Rey’s too.

Their eyes immediately catch each other. It doesn't matter how out of their minds they were that night. The memory of the song still clearly implanted in both of their brains.

_If you_

_If you could return_

_Don’t let it burn_

_Don’t let it fade_

“Can you pick a different song?” Rey asks, cringing.

“No, I want to listen to this one,” Rose immediately dismisses her.

“You can listen to it later."

“Uh, no,” Rose bites back.

Rey tries desperately to climb over Rose to shut the radio off, but Rose manages to hold her back. It’s a ridiculous sight, and Ben might laugh if he weren’t in such pain right now.

“Please, just turn it off, Rose,” Ben pleads with her.

“No! We've listened to Rey's stuff all night. It's my turn!”

It’s the purpose of the thing for Rose now. The girl has a stubborn streak. But so does Rey, and so does he, and so he should have known this would have devolved into a mess.

Ben then goes for the radio, too, but Rose launches herself on top of it. When she sits up, it up she’s hugging it like a friend she’s trying to protect.

Then her eyes flit between Rey and Ben. And he can see the wheels turning in her little head. He can see the connections she’s making. And he doesn’t like it.

“Okay,” Rose says, out of breath. She looks between them. “I’ll shut it off. But you both have to answer something for me first.”

They both rapidly nod, ready to end this torture.

“What happened between you two?”

**1997**

He spends the entire week leading up to their date imagining how it will go.

He pictures what she’ll wear, and how beautiful she’ll look. He makes up conversations they might have in his head. He wonders if they’ll hold hands. He even imagines a little kiss at the end of the night. Just a peck. Nothing too serious. He does’t want to scare her off.

He just hopes she is the one that initiates it, because he seems to completely lose his ability to function when he’s around her. And since he's never actually kissed a girl...well, he just doesn't trust his ability to do it right. And he wants to do it right for her.

He doesn’t know what she has planned for the date. He let her decide everything. He just knows what time he needs to pick her up. And that he needs to meet her at Niima's-- they’ll go from there. Why they need to meet at the chip shop, he’s unsure. But he doesn’t question it. He’s totally okay with her controlling everything. He knows he’d fuck it up if he were in charge. And really, he’s just over the moon that she even asked him out in the first place.

When the day comes, she looks prettier than his brain could have imagined. Her hair is up in a half-up half-down style, peppered with sparkly little barrettes. And she’s got a dark blue, crushed velvet, spaghetti strap dress on. A blue, sparkly little shawl is wrapped around her shoulders, and she’s got that choker on from the other day. He’s thought about the choker a lot. She’s a goddamn vision.

And her _smell._ She’s never smelt so intense. Maybe he's just never allowed himself to smell her so freely. He can smell her happiness. Her excitement. And even her nervousness. She wonders if she can smell his the same way.

He suddenly feels very underdressed and sloppy in his plain white button down shirt and dark blue jeans. He worked really hard on his hair, though. And that should count for something.

“You—you look really nice,” he stutters.

She bites her lips, suppressing what he guesses would be an incredible smile.

“Thank you. You do, too,” she responds, a bashful little smile engulfs her face—her dimples coming out full force, ready to kill him on the spot.

His face goes up in flames and he can only choke out the most pathetic thank you to ever be said in the whole of time.

Neither of them makes a move to leave yet. They just ogle at each other from across the chip shop, exchanging shy smiles and little laughs.

“Are you two gonna go or what?” Finn pipes up from behind the counter, making them both nearly jump out of their skin.

Rey sends the other boy a _withering_ stare before she turns back to Ben. She lifts up her arm, offering it to him.

“Shall we?” She asks.

He slides his arm into hers, and they take off. Rey leads him in through the streets of Jakku.

It’s a nice night. Spring is slowly turning into summer in England, and the sun is out a little later than usual. The weather is nice enough that he didn’t think to bring a jacket—something he’s now majorly regretting. Rey doesn’t look cold, though, and she’s wearing less than him, so he can tough it out.

Their walk is quiet, at first. And then Rey starts to babble about the town. She points out landmarks, and gives the fragmented histories of them. He listens with ease, because he's always liked history, and he just loves hearing her speak.

They finally stop at an old, lopsided brick building, and Rey pushes in.

It’s a restaurant. A small, old, nondescript restaurant. It’s smoky and smells of stale beer, but he can tell Rey is excited to be here. She pushes into a booth, and a tiny old beta woman rushes up to the table clutching some big, plastic-coated menus.

“Girl!” She greets Rey with a squeeze on the shoulder. She they eyes Ben, squinting and adjusting her glasses as if to get a better look at him. “Is this the boy?” She asks Rey only.

Rey nods.

“Hello, I’m, uh, Ben.” He holds his hand out to her for a shake, but she doesn’t take it. Just stares at it with those tiny eyes.

“Hmm,” she says, eyes scrupulously scanning him up and down. The woman stares at him for an uncomfortable amount of time. Rey starts giggling. It’s such a cute sound.

“This is Maz,” Rey introduces the woman with a smile. “She’s the owner of this restaurant.”

“That doesn’t mean any freebies, boy!” She says, slapping him lightly on the head with a menu.

The woman then runs through a revolving door, leaving the two of them alone.

“I don’t think she likes me very much,” Ben says, rubbing his head for added effect.

“Probably because I told her all about you and your stupid Alpha friends.” There’s no malice in her voice when she says it. He almost wishes there were. She _should_ make him feel bad about it. He’ll never not feel bad about it.

And he knew this had to be addressed sooner or later. He just wished it wasn’t happening right now. Before their date could even really start.

“I—I’m sorry about that,” he stutters. “I just—"

“I know you are,” she cuts him off, then looks him straight in the eye. “I don’t really want excuses from you. I do want to know why you kept coming with them, though. You could have just come in by yourself. I would have talked to you, y’know.”

He takes a deep breath.

“I didn’t…I wasn’t…I wasn’t brave enough to come in by myself.”

She makes a little humming noise, then looks back at her menu.

God, he’s so pathetic. When did he get so pathetic? He bets she’s thinking “what kind of Alpha can’t muster the courage to talk to an Omega? Isn’t that supposed to be the _one_ thing they’re good at?”

“I won’t do it again,” he promises. “And I’ll make sure the others stop, too.”

He’s controlled Hux and his cronies before. He’s _sure_ he can do it again. He’s just…lost focus these last few months.

She works her jaw a little, then starts rubbing her neck like a nervous habit, but still says nothing. It’s painful, waiting for her final judgement to be laid down on him. This whole thing could end before it’s even begun.

“I am really sorry, though,” he says, voice choking. “I just wanted to see you. I had to. I don’t know what it is…”

“Don’t worry,” she says, setting the menu down. Her brows are drawn down, her hazel eyes suddenly serious. “I feel it, too.”

She holds out her hand to him. He stares at it for a second—just the slightest hesitation before he takes it in his.

They both shiver at the same time, like something ancient and unexplainable has passed through them. He thinks he could hold her hand for the whole date—for the rest of his life—if she’d let him.

But Maz sneaks up on their table, setting waters down in front of each of them. They both fold their hands in their laps. Rey starts to rub at the glands near her wrists, sending a burst of her sweet scent straight to his nose. He has to… _readjust_ himself under the table.

“No funny business,” she scolds, looking only at Ben.

Rey giggles again, and tells Maz what she wants to eat. Some kind of pasta concoction.

Ben hasn’t even had a second to look at the menu. He’s been too busy staring at her. Maz taps her foot impatiently at him as she waits. The weight of her eyes as he reads makes his anxiety grows unbearable. So he just points to a random dish on the menu—which he finds out mere minutes later is fish and chips with a random, kitschy name. Rey looks like she’s about to burst with laughter when Maz slaps it down in front of him.

He does choke it down, though. They two of them remain under Maz’s keen eye as they eat, and he doesn’t want to piss the old woman off any more than he already has.

Conversation gets a bit easier after the food arrives. They talk about the food, and the restaurant. And then it eases into the same stuff they talked about during his evenings spent cleaning up Niima’s chippy for her. Music and art and movies. All stuff they have in common.

It’s easy, talking with her. She’s got an opinion on everything and isn’t afraid to let him hear it. He’s surprised at how nervous she looks throughout the meal. He feels more at ease as the evening wears on, but she starts to get a bit jumpy. And even a little sweaty.

As the evening deepens, they get a little more personal. He talks a little about his family, and why they sent him to First Order. He leaves out the fact that it’s his grandfather’s school, though. He doesn’t know why. He just doesn’t want her thinking everything’s so easy for him. Even though it sort of is…

She opens up a little too. She tells him about her horrible “blob fish” foster father, and her friendship with Finn. She keeps things vague about her childhood, but he can fill in the gaps.

The conversation then takes a slight turn when he asks what she’s going to do after she graduates from school.

“I don’t know,” she answers with a shrug.

“You’re so smart. You could do anything you want,” he says. And he means it. He knew she had to be smart the moment he laid eyes on her. And he’s only been proven right after every interaction since.

“Thanks,” she mutters, poking around at a cold meatball.

“If you could do anything after school what would it be? If nothing else mattered, what would you do?”

“If nothing else mattered…then I guess I would maybe study architecture. Get out of this shit hole town and work in a city somewhere. Maybe London. Maybe New York or something. Hell, I'd take Birmingham over this place.”

“Then you should do that,” he says eagerly. He can picture her already. Walking with a briefcase down a busy New York sidewalk. Looking all important and shit.

“It’s not that easy,” she says, her tone skirting anger. “Being smart will only get me so far. I don’t go to a fancy school like you do. I don’t have any money. And being an Omega puts me even further at the bottom of the food chain.”

She picks up a discarded menu and starts to fan herself with it. He can see sweat beading up around her collar bones, ready to drip down her chest. Did he make her so angry she’s actually sweating?

He’s got to do damage control. He knows people— _lots_ of people that could help her.

“I could help you—"

“No, definitely not.”

She fans herself harder.

“We should go,” she says, not quite looking at him.

She gathers her shawl and little purse, and scoots out of the booth without any further hesitation. Ben scrambles to grab for his wallet. He doesn’t know what their final bill was, nor does he have time to get change, so he just leaves a hundred pound note on the table. It's his entire allowance for the week, but hopefully it’ll appease Maz a little.

She acts extra weird as they start walking back.

He catches up to her halfway down the alley. He thought she’d try to ditch him, or at the very least, avoid him, after they left. She keeps walking into him. Not in a clumsy way—it almost seems purposeful. Like she’s trying to smell him, or rub herself on him. She’s like a cat, circling his legs, waiting to be pet.

And he…does want to. Pet her, that is.

But he’s _got_ to keep himself under control. He’s fucked up enough for one night.

“Are you…are you okay?” He asks hesitantly. He doesn’t want her to say she’s regretting asking him for a date. Or that didn’t enjoy herself. That she doesn’t like him and just wants to go home.

“I’m fine!” She chirps, plastering a big smile on her face. He can’t help but notice how quickly it falters when she looks away from him.

He doesn’t believe her. Not just because of the way she’s acting. But there’s something odd about her scent.

It’s not _bad._ Not at all. It’s great, actually. Great in a way that makes all the blood in his body rush to one place.

But it’s…slightly different. At first he thought she must be wearing some kind of new perfume. But now he thinks she might be sick or something. He heard Omega’s smell different when they’re sick. It’s how Alpha’s know when to take care of them. And he definitely wants to take _extra_ good care of her right now.

“Where are we going?” Ben croaks, shaking his dirty thoughts from his head. Her route seems so aimless. Twice now they’ve passed the same Winston Churchill statue covered in inches of pigeon shit.

“Huh?” Her eyes are glassy, questioning, when she shoots a brief look back at him.

Did she have something to drink when he wasn’t looking? Did she take something? Or is she just trying to send him a message to fuck off. She looks so...out of it.

“I asked where we’re going,” he repeats slowly, clearly.

She stops in her tracks and, turns to face him. She shakes her head a little, seemingly trying to rattle her thoughts back into place.

“Erm,” she says, and clears her throat. “To Niima’s. Back to Niima’s.”

His heart sinks a little. So he was right. She wants to end the night here. She’s not having a good time. He insulted her. He failed her. He failed his Omega.

“Okay,” he says, trying not to sound as solemn as he feels. He starts leading her in the direction of Niima’s. He at least wants to make sure she gets back safe.

She makes this all the more difficult him by plastering herself to his side for the walk back. She’spractically nuzzling her face into his armpit. He tries to stop her, because he’s been incredibly sweaty all night and he _can’t_ smell good there, but she keeps going for it. The primal, perverted part of him is actually kind of digging it.

She doesn’t even seem to realize they’ve arrived back at Niima’s. The shop is dark. No signs of life in or around it.

“Rey,” he says, stepping back from her, she practically falls right back into him. “We’re here.”

“Oh,” she says, voice small. She blinks a couple of times before fishing something out of her little bag.

A key.

She pushes through the glass door, not sparing him another glance. He takes that as his cue to leave. So he starts to back away.

“I…I had a really nice time tonight,” he says politely, as he starts to back away.

She whips her head back to him.

“Aren’t you coming in?” she asks, holding the door open.

He should say no. Really, he should. But he’s never been good at resisting her. So he steps in after her.

A blue, neon glow from an ugly fish sign above the counter is the only thing lighting the room.

As soon as they are both in, Rey sets her stuff down on a table and starts to fan herself with a menu.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asks again.

She starts itching her head, then her neck, then her wrists. She looks ready to crawl right out of her own skin. He should have just left. She clearly doesn’t want him here. She was just being polite—

“I would be much better if you would just kiss me already,” she says bluntly. The look in her eyes is almost frightening it's so focused. Like someone else has taken control.

He blanches, choking on the stiflingly hot air around him. Now that they’re inside a small room, there’s no escaping her overwhelming scent. It wraps around him like a warm, comforting blanket, soothing his erratic nerves.

He wants to kiss her. He wants to kiss her so, so bad. But he's so stunned, and he can’t move. He can’t breathe. He can’t do _anything._ He’s failing as an Alpha—again—because he doesn’t know how to take control of this situation. Luckily, he doesn’t have to.

She rushes up to him and grabs his face. She pulls it down to meet hers, and presses her lips to his. She moves them with such ferocity that he can barely keep up. And then her tongue makes an appearance, poking and prodding at his. It’s wet, and sloppy, but it’s thrilling.

He’s never kissed a girl before. So he doesn’t exactly know how this should be, but he likes the way it’s going. He likesthe way she runs her hands through his hair. He tries to run his hands through hers, but it's so sticky with hairspray his fingers only get caught and yank her head head back. He _loves_ hearing her heavy breaths He likes the way her lips rhythmically move over his, like she's singing him a silent song. He could kiss her forever.

Laughter from somewhere down the road permeates the window-laden walls of the shop. Ben has to physically hold her back from his mouth to speak.

“Rey,” he says, through her struggle to keep kissing. “We shouldn’t do this in front of the windows.”

“Yes we should,” she mumbles, pushing herself back against him.

And that answer is good enough for him. For a second. He has to hold her back again, and he tries to capture her eyes with his so she really understands the situation.

“But what if—what if Mr. Plutt finds out?”

She huffs an impertinent little huff—clearly annoyed at the inconvenience.

She grabs his hand and yanks him towards the back of the shop—through that forbidden door that she would always escape through his first few times here.

The second they are through the swinging door, she’s pulling him back to her. Crawling on, clawing at him, him like she’s trying to meld with him. Trying to become one.

He leans against a cold, metal counter and she pounces, making him stumbles back into a small radio. It turns on, giving them both a little jump. A familiar song is already midway through.

_But I'm in so deep_

_You know I'm such a fool for you_

_You've got me wrapped around your finger_

“Oh, I love this song,” she murmurs against his lips in a brief moment of clarity.

“Me too,” he mumbles back against hers.

She starts to hum the tune, her lips vibrating against his. Honestly, he never gave this song a second thought before tonight. Chick rock isn’t really his thing. But now he thinks it will be his favorite song of all time.

They kiss and kiss and _kiss_ on every gross, greasy surface of the small kitchen. He’s sure this is a health code violation of some sort, but does he care? Absolutely not. The girl of his dreams—literally—is making out with him after what he thought was the world’s most disastrous date.

They eventually move towards a thin wooden door. He’s got her pressed up against it, her leg hooked around his thigh, their hips seeking that sweet friction with each other. Rey must have worked the handle, because the door opens and he stumbles in with her in his arms.

He kicks the door shut behind them, and she pulls on a little string lighting up the room just the tiniest bit. They both look a little wrecked. Her hair is a mess, he guesses his must be too. Her face is shiny from sweat and spit. 

He doesn't get much time to observe her because she pushes him—quite forcefully, actually—onto a stack of long, wooden crates.

She stands before him, and pushes her dress up to her hips, revealing obscenely wet white underwear. The divine smell of her smacks him in the face, and he would love nothing more to dive into her heat. But she makes it clear she’s in control when she straddles him, her thighs tucked tightly at his sides. He can feel her heat directly on his cock.

He's...definitely never done _this_ before. No one, besides himself, has touched his cock like this. 

He thinks he’s never been so hard in his entire life—not even when he first presented. But then she starts to move—starts to _ride_ him—and he knows he was wrong. Because he manages to get much, much harder.

He pulls on her hips—back and forth, back and forth—guiding her to just the right spot. The faster he makes her go, the more she lets out desperate little moans and mews. And he loves those noises—he’s never heard _anyone_ make those noises before. Not even in the porn videos his dad hides in their attic at home. But oh, he loves it. He never wants her to stop.

"I've never done this before," he admits through kisses. He needs her to know that...that she might be disappointed. That maybe she should change her mind and do this with someone more experienced.

"Neither have I," she whispers. He preens a little, at the idea of them being each others firsts. And then she adds "But I _need_ you, Ben."

She quickly falls into an erratic rhythm, her hips swirling and striking at his pelvis. It's like she's steel and he's flint, and every drag of her wet underwear across his clothed cock is a new spark.

They're going to set themselves on fire at this pace.

She gives his lips a break, and lets her mouth explore other parts of him. His cheeks. His neck. His _ears._ She sucks hard, and he knows he’s going to have marks all over him for days to come. But he can’t find it within himself to care. He’s _hers_ and everyone should know it. Everyone should know what they did.

Then moves his mouth to her neck The desire to leave the same little marks on her is suddenly all he can think about. He wants people to know that she is _his_ , too. She’s his Omega. He’s her Alpha.

His mouth doesn’t stop at that place above her collar bone. Or that spot below her ear. No, something primal in him leads him further. To the back of her neck, near the base of her spine. To that special place that only Omegas have.

His teeth graze that rough patch, and a burst of sweetness enters his mouth. Like nothing he’s ever smelled or tasted. He needs more. He doesn’t think he can survive if he doesn’t. So he starts suckling on her, like a babe.

And his Alpha brain starts to tell him he should go further. It starts to conjure images of what it would be like to mate her. To fill her with babies. To belong to each other _forever._ Their age doesn't matter. The fact that they've known each other for two seconds doesn't matter.

And he must be truly out of his mind because he’s about to bite. His jaw is parted, his teeth are bared, inching closer. His tongue prods at the gland, sending a message to his brain that this is right. He must do this. His teeth touch down, scrape the surface ever so gently. He’s mere centimeters from making a dangerously permanent decision for both of them.

Then she reaches down, and her little hands start to fumble with his belt.

"Alpha. Please," she whispers into his ear. It sounds like a prayer. 

That does him in. His breath catches in his throat. He chokes.

And he comes.

Right in his pants.

It’s sudden. And unexpected. But very, very intense. He hadn’t even known he was that close. In all reality, they've only been in here for a minute. Maybe two tops. And he couldn't last any longer than that. 

He lets out a guttural moan, one that sounds more like he’s in pain than anything. He’d probably be embarrassed about it if he weren’t half out of his mind right now. 

After that few seconds of mind-blowing ecstasy, reality washes over him. He's popped a knot, his cock shows no signs of stopping the leaking. And he's so painfully, painfully aware of it all. 

He's back in his head. It feels like he’s been hit with a cold, wet blanket. She doesn't seem to have been hit with that same reality check, because she keeps riding him. Keeps kissing him. Keeps making those noises. Keeps fumbling with his pants.

So he stands abruptly, knocking her off his lap and onto her ass. Right onto the cold, hard tile.

She doesn’t look at him straight away, but he can see her face. She’s still dazed, and probably even more confused

She grips the back of her neck, hand covering her gland. She pulls her hand from her neck, in front of her face, as if maybe checking for blood. She shakes her head, and starts to rub her eyes, like she's just risen from sleep.

“What…what are you doing?” She whimpers.

He thinks he might cry. He’s so fucking embarrassed. He can’t believe he lost control like that. He’s never lost control like that.

“I have to go,” he blurts, and moves to open the door.

While he fumbles with the old handle she starts to plead with him. “Don’t go,” she says. “Please.”

“I can’t,” he says. Because can’t lose control again. He can’t mate her. They’re only sixteen. 

She reaches up for his hand. She grabs his pinky, wrapping her tiny fingers around it. A desperate gesture to get him to stay. 

“I'm sorry,” he says, and shakes her off. Then he makes a run for it. Because if he stays here one more second, with her _looking_ like this and _smelling_ like that, it will all be over.

He hightails it back to the empty First Order campus. He’s never run so fast in his life. He’s never had such an _uncomfortable_ run in his life. His knot is still very much present. His boxers are shot, his pants chafing, and are his lungs are going to collapse from the urge to cry. To scream.

When he gets to his dorm, he’s so grateful most everyone is still on their vacations. He nearly has a heart attack when he thinks he sees flash of a ginger head in the courtyard. But when he looks back, there's nothing there. His paranoia must be getting the best of him. Hux is in Ibiza until Monday. He made sure to triple check his smarmy ass wouldn't be around this weekend. There's no way he's back yet. Ben is just seeing things to upset him more.

Ben just keeps running until he is safely behind his bedroom door. He can’t imagine the scrutiny he would face if anyone—especially Hux—saw him run back here with clearly soiled pants and Omega slobber over every inch of his face.

He can’t imagine the scrutiny he would face if any of the other Alphas heard him cry. And he _does_ cry.

How can he ever face her again? After he embarrassed himself like that. After he just left her there, on the floor. 

He falls asleep, wishing he could turn back time. Wishing he could change everything about his life from the moment he walked into that chip shop. Wishing he could change his life.

*** * * * ***

The next morning, Ben Solo gets a call that truly does change his life.

His father is dead.

He goes home.

And he doesn't see Rey for two more years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait--but I hope you all find this chapter worth it (despite it ending on a not-so-great note). And apologies to anyone sick of the angst and misunderstandings...because they don't quite end here (keep in mind this is just Ben’s perspective!)
> 
> I also upped the chapter count. I don't even know why I bother with predicting chapter counts anymore..
> 
> As always, please forgive any mistakes/inconsistencies. I'll get to them. And thank you all for reading and commenting. It really means a lot to me <3
> 
> TW: Sexual activity between two sixteen year old minors


	6. Chapter 6

**1999 - Rey**

The room stands in stagnant silence, Rose’s question hanging in the air.

Rey refuses to be the one to answer. _She_ didn’t do anything wrong. All she wants is for him to finally admit it. In front of both her and Rose, his secret best friend. 

“He knows what he did,” she spits bitterly, folding her arms and turning her back to him.

She can’t look at him. If she looks at him right now she’ll probably try to strangle him him. Or worse... _cry._

She cried a lot after he left her alone in that storage room. And even more in the days following—though that certainly wasn’t _all_ because of him.

“Ben?” Rose inquires, voice completely calm and gentle.

Rey resents how soft Rose can be sometimes.

Rey resents that Rose has had a life where she’s _allowed_ to be soft.

An answer doesn’t come right away. Ben stays silent for so long that Rey peeks over her shoulder to make sure he hasn’t just up and left.

  
He hasn’t.

He’s just standing there, fists clenched, muscles tense, eyes closed. It’s as if he’s trying to will himself out of existence. She wishes he would.

  
But then he lets out a big sigh and answers.

“We went on a date,” he says quickly, like ripping off a bandaid. “And after…we did…stuff. And then I never saw her again.”

Rey’s jaw drops.

She wants to scream. She tries to set him on fire with her eyes. She might even be succeeding with how bloody crimson his face is right now. She cannot _believe_ his audacity.

He cracks one brown eye open and immediately makes direct contact with her. His other eye follows, and then he’s staring at her with round, almost frightened saucers. He looks like a kicked puppy. She mighteven feel bad for him if he didn’t just lie to Rose. Or, not lie, but conceal the whole truth. 

“Is…is that all?” Rose asks. “You two did the nasty and he never called?”

“We did _not_ have sex,” they both say, vehemently correcting her at the same time.

“Okay,” Rose bellows, throwing her hands up in exasperation. “I’m even more confused now.”

“Tell her what else, Ben,” Rey spits, looking to him but pointing a finger to Rose. “Tell her what else you did.”

Ben clears his throat.

“I—I tried to mate her,” he says, stuttering over his words.

And Rey…Rey loses the ability to think. 

Because, what?

_What?_

WHAT?

_“What?”_ That time, she says it out loud. Ben’s eyes go even wider, and he backs up a little as if trying to dodge an attack.

He scratches his head, looking a little befuddled.

“I tried to mate you,” he says slowly. “Without your consent.” It comes out almost as a question. Like he’s as unsure about what he just said as she is. 

She’s shocked, to be sure. She didn’t know this...if it’s true. She was so out of her mind that night. She was slipping—physically and mentally—from the moment she woke up feeling weak and feverish. She doesn’t remember much after they sat down to eat. After that…all she remembers is the pleasure. And the pain.

“That’s—that’s not what I’m mad about.” Rey’s words sputter out of her mouth like a broken sprinkler. She tries to regroup. Tries to regather her thoughts. “I didn’t even—I didn’t even know you tried that. I—"

“You didn’t know? But you…right after we…and then you touched your gland and I thought—”

“I _don’t_ remember. I was going into my first full-blown heat! I only had one thing on my mind!”

It’s his turn to be shocked, based on the dopey, slack-jawed look on his face.

“You—you what? You were?”

“Like you didn’t know,” she scoffs.

When she woke up that morning, she thought she was just catching a little cold. Or her allergies were rearing their ugly head with the warm weather arriving. Or that she was dealing with a bout of nerves for her date later.

But she _didn’t_ know she was going into heat. She’d never experienced a one—outside of her presenting heat, which are notoriously mild. And by the time she realized it, she was in a storage room writhing on his lap, too far gone to stop herself. She was taken by this overwhelming feeling of _want_ in a way she’s never been before.

“I didn’t,” he argues, his voice raising an octave. “You kept saying you were fine.”

“I thought I was!” she shouts.

How could he not know? He would have known before she did. Her scent _must_ have been different. And though she doesn’t remember much, she’s sure she wasn’t behaving like herself. He’s such a liar. He’s so full of it. He didn’t care that she was vulnerable—he was getting what he wanted.

The Alpha boy runs shaky hands through his hair. He spins and paces, frantic. She can practically see the cogs spinning in that big dumb head of his.

And then a switch seems to flip. And when he turns his gaze back to her, she can’t help but back away from him. She’s not scared of him, but he’s just never looked so…Alpha to her before. She’d like it if she weren’t so furious. 

“What is it, then?” Ben snaps, officially losing his cool. “I thought this whole time that’s why you were mad at me. So why?”

She can’t believe he’s still playing innocent. Lord, he’s a good actor. He should do it professionally. What?

“What else did I do, Rey?” he presses, moving closer to her. “Is it because I left?”

He moves closer still—their angry faces mere inches from each other.

“Is it because I disappointed you?” he says lowly, like he almost doesn’t want Rose to hear. She’s not sure why. “Did I not meet your expectations? Because I—”

“You told your friends I was an Omega whore!” she shouts.

_“What?”_ Ben is shouting now too, seemingly thrown by her comment. “No I didn’t!”

Lies.

More lies.

“You did!”

“I didn’t!” Apparently, he’s going to die on this hill. She’s going to be the one to kill him, if he keeps it up.

“Then why did Hux come in a week later and proposition me? Hmm? How did he even know we were together?”

“I don’t—"

“He asked me how much you paid for me. He told me he’d double it since I _clearly_ needed the money.”

“You have to believe me,” he pleads, stepping back into her space. His hands reach for hers, likely in an instinctual attempt to soothe her, but she rips them from him before they can touch. She moves away from him—it’s much easier to think when he’s not so close—and steadies herself on a table.

“I didn’t know about the heat,” he insists. “And I didn’t tell _anyone_ about what happened that night! Especially not Hux!”

“Guys!” Rose, who has been a silent observer for this entire argument, finally interjects. “We need to be quiet or someone is going to come in here and we’re _all_ going to get in trouble.”

She’s right. But they both ignore her, anyway.

“So you’re telling me that he just _guessed_ what happened? That them calling me an Omega whore from the moment I’ve arrived at this school is just a coincidence?”

“That’s exactly what I’m telling you! That’s the only way they would have found out! Because I. Didn’t. Tell. Them!”

“Bollocks!” She says, slamming a palm on the wooden table.

“I swear to you, Rey!”

“Pardon me if your word doesn’t mean anything to me anymore.”

Ben lets out a loud, guttural groan and entangles his fists in his hair.

“Guys, Seriously! You need to be—" Rose tries again, but Rey cuts her off.

“Don’t worry, Rose,” Rey interrupts. “I’m _leaving.”_

“So am I,” Ben says. He and Rey go for the door at the same time, nearly starting a new battle in the doorway—both of them wanting to squeeze through first. He eventually relents to her, and she takes off to her dorm as fast as she can.

The song—their song—is still playing in the media room. Rose never turned it off. It haunts her like a ghost as she escapes the building.

_Do you have to let it linger?_

_Do you have to, do you have to, do you have to let it linger?_

*** * * * ***

Come Sunday, Rey is feeling _rough._

She didn’t cry yesterday after the left the library. She certainly felt like it, but the tears never came. Instead, she came back to her room and screamed into her pillow for an hour. Then she shoved her headphones over her ears and listened to her music as loud as her Walkman would allow.

How she fell asleep with the raspy screams of Kurt Cobain blasting into her ears, she doesn’t know. But she did eventually fall asleep.

She intermittently wakes up and falls back asleep all day. She probably would have laid in bed all day, going in and out of consciousness, if weren’t for Rose knocking on her door every hour to check up on her.

Rey finally pulls herself from her slumber around dinnertime—sick of Rose’s incessant displays of _caring—_ and opens the door. She’s met with Rose’s shocked face, and a slightly judgmental look at the state of her. She may or may not be wearing the same thing she wore last night.

Rey leaves the door open for the other girl and falls straight back into bed.

Rose sits on the edge of the bed, rubbing a soothing hand on Rey’s back.

“I’m sorry about yesterday,” Rose says.

Rey gives a half-hearted grunt in response.

“I knew something was up with you two. Maybe I shouldn’t have pushed it.”

Rey just grunts again.

“It’s just…I really like you both. And I wanted you two to get along.”

This makes Rey turn over and sit up. She

“Are you…like… _with_ him?” she asks, disgusted at how juvenile she sounds.

She expects a denial. Or maybe a painful admission. But she definitely does not expect Rose to laugh in her face.

“What?” Rey asks, defensively. “Why are you laughing?” She folds her arms across her chest and just watches her friend absolutely piss herself laughing. Rey hates to feel ridiculous—especially when she doesn’t even know why she’s being made to feel ridiculous.

“Sorry, sorry!” Rose says, clutching her belly between laughs. “I just can’t believe you would think that! Oh boy. Oh God!” Rose falls into another bout of laughter.

“I don’t think it’s such an absurd question! You meet up with him in secret. At night. You’re an Omega. He’s an Alpha. Things happen.”

Things certainly happened with Rey, anyway.

“Yeah. But not between me and him,” Rose’s humor slowly melts into something more serious. “Or me and… _any_ boy.”

It takes her a second, but realization dawns on Rey.

“Ohhhhh.” Rey had her suspicions. She's never talked about boys before. And she does always get very show-boaty when Jannah is around. 

“Yeah.” Rose casts her eyes down to the floor and shuffles her feet.

“Okay, then.”

“It doesn’t bother you?” Rose asks, a little wobble in her voice.

“No, it doesn’t,” Rey answers honestly. She’s got other friends who are like Rose. She's never seen it as a problem, and doesn't really know why others do.

“Good,” Rose says simply, a little smile blossoming on her face.

“So…you’re only friends then?” Rey says after a prolonged silence.

“Only friends,” Rose confirms. And then she presses her lips together, a cheeky grin taking over her face. “But it seems it would bother you if we were more than that.”

“Would not!” Rey snaps. Rose lifts an eyebrow at her, telling her to cut the faff. “I mean, okay, it _would_ bother me. But only because he’s a bastard and you shouldn’t be with a bastard.”

And, okay, maybe some of her possessiveness of him remains. She blames it on her instincts. He's the first Alpha to ever catch her interest. He's the first Alpha to ever make her feel okay with being an Omega. So, despite herself, she thinks she'll always feel _something_ for him. 

“I’m sorry he hurt you.”

“I just…How could he have not known that I was going into heat?”

“Boys are stupid, Rey,” Rose shrugs. “Especially Alphas. Especially _that_ Alpha.”

That makes Rey laugh—just a little.

“I’m really not trying to defend him, but they’ve got us so pumped full of grade-A suppressants here that I’d be surprised if he could smell you at all.”

Rey nods. She hadn’t considered before.

“When he left I just…I was devastated. I felt like the only Omega in the world who would have an Alpha _willingly_ walk away from her during a heat. And then when he never came back—when he never called—I just felt like the world’s biggest disappointment.”

Rey's issues with abandonment have been a constant in her life. And him leaving her--in a state that he is supposed to be biologically wired to stay by her side and take care of her--brought everything back to the surface. And when Hux came to her the next week she thought that maybe Ben was just playing a joke on her the whole time. He never cared for her. Every shy smile and favor he did for her was just to see if he could get into her pants. And when he did, he figured that was enough and went on his merry way to tell his friends that he bagged the Omega from Niima's.

Rose moves closer to her until they sit side-by-side with their backs against the wall. She’s quiet. Contemplative.

And then she perks up, like she’s just remembered something.

“When did you say this happened?” She asks.

“Two years ago.”

“Yeah, but _when_ two years ago?”

“I’m not sure. Sometime during the spring.”

“Was it near the end of April?”

“I think so…why?”

“Rey. His dad died in April. When everyone was coming back from Spring break, he left to go to a funeral. I wasn’t far behind…”

Rey has felt truly horrible many times in her life. But she’s never felt as horrible as she does right now.

She knew Ben had a dead dad—just from things said about him in passing. But she didn’t realize when it happened. She never considered that it had any relation to their situation. Why would she?

“That’s terrible,” she says, voice solemn. “I still wish he would have tried to contact me when he came back, though. Maybe things wouldn’t be so bad if we had just…talked.”

“Maybe,” Rose says. “But would you have even _let_ him talk?”

Rey…doesn’t know the answer to that. She’s been so mad at him for so long, she doesn’t know how she would have reacted if he had just shown up at Niima’s. She didn’t have the confidence then that she does not. She wasn’t a Palpatine, then. She wasn’t his classmate. His peer. His social equal. So she doesn’t know. And she just gives Rose a shrug because she’s too ashamed to admit all that out loud.

“Rey, did Hux actually say _Ben_ told him what happened? Is there any other way he could have found out?"

Rey doesn't know. Ben was, and still is, the most obvious answer. 

But she tries to think back really hard to that evening that Hux came in. She tries to remember every disgusting word he said to her. She was still sick and exhausted from her heat, but she _had_ to work. She needed the money, and Plutt didn’t care much about her “Omega problems,” to let her take any more time off. So she sprayed on some cheap scent blocker and did her duties.

She was surprised to see Hux come in at all. And more surprised that he didn’t have his posse with him. She had hoped, despite everything, that Ben would have kept his promise and gotten them to stop. But no, the ginger shit marched in with that smug grin on his face and took his usual seat. Then he waited until Finn disappeared into the back before he opened his stupid mouth.

“Well don’t you smell divine,” he had said. She only rolled her eyes at him and shoved her nose into the latest edition of _Smash Hits._

“You know, at first I wasn’t sure what Solo was thinking. By slumming it with you, that is. But now that I can it on you in person, I think I understand.”

Rey stopped and froze in place, her mind spinning trying to make sense of him. He had her attention, and he looked mighty pleased about it. He stood up, sliding out of that plastic chair like a slimy eel, and moved towards the counter. Towards her.

“How much did he pay you?” He had asked, leaning into her space.

“Wh—what?”

“Solo. How much did he pay you to share your heat? I can’t imagine any other reason you would willingly fuck that buffoon. So tell me, how much?”

“He—he didn’t—we didn’t—“ She couldn’t find her words to deny it. To explain. Looking back, there is so much she would have loved to have said here. It haunts her, now.

“Tell you what,” he said, cooly cutting her off. “Whatever Solo paid you, I’ll triple it for your next heat.”

“Excuse me?”

“I know you need the money. That much is clear." He makes a pinched face at the shop surrounding them, before turning his attention back to her. "I promise you it’ll be a better time than, Solo.”

It was at that moment that Finn reemerged from the back. Her friend, clever as he is, sussed out the situation within a few moments, and ran nudged Rey behind him.

“Get the fuck out of here!” He shouted at the redheaded menace.

“Once I get an answer from the Omega,” Hux had said, but he at least had the sense to sound the slightest bit nervous.

_“Rey_ doesn’t owe you shit! How ‘bout you fuck off, and don’t come back!”

Hux’s demeanor faltered, but he had looked like he was going to continue to argue. That was until Finn started to make his way around the counter, ready for a confrontation. Hux scurried off like a roach. He didn’t come back.

After that, she vowed not to ever think about Ben Solo again. Her anger, her resentment, grew and grew and poisoned her. It made her bitter. Bitter enough to abrasively confront him in the lunch room. Bitter kick a ball at his face. Bitter enough to shout at him in a library in front of their friend.

But now she’s questioning everything, and thinks she may have just been poisoning herself with anger for two years.

She looks to Rose, and then tears finally come. They well in her eyes and spill over. That seems to be answer enough for Rose, because she pulls Rey into an embrace.

“We’ll figure out what happened,” Rose says, stroking Rey’s head. “And if we find out he lied to both of us…I’ll help you hide the body.”

Rey laughs, but she has no doubt the other girl is completely serious.

**1999 - Ben**

It was a long weekend for Ben Solo.

Rey’s accusations on Saturday night threw him for a loop. So much so that he spent all Sunday trying to track Hux down. When he found out the Alpha asshole was in London for the weekend, he considered calling a cab and showing up at his father's apartment. But then he found out how much it would cost, and knew Leia would kill him for charging her card so much.

Hux would come back, and then Ben will get him.

He _had_ to clear his name. He can’t handle the thought of her thinking he would do that to her. That he would tell _Hux,_ of all the goddamn people on this Earth, what happened between them.

He shares his first class with Hux on Monday. Health Sciences. He arrives early and keeps an eye on the entrance. He waits and waits for the other kid to show up, but he’s nowhere to be seen. He finally has to tear his eyes away from the doorway when he hears Professor D’Acy’s chalk clacking against the blackboard.

“Today we will be following up on our last class on Omega biology,” D’Acy says. “We will be discussing the role of an Alpha in a heat, and the effects on the Omega.”

Ben is ready to slam his head into his desk. This is…definitely not what he wants to be learning about today. Especially after he had to relive some of his worst memories over the weekend.

But then he hears something behind him that makes his skin start to crawl.

“You’d know all about that, wouldn’t you, Solo?”

It comes from Hux.

He must've snuck in right as class began.

Ben turns slowly, and narrows his eyes at the boy.

“What is that supposed to mean?” he whispers.

“Don’t play coy, Benjamin.” Hux smiles. And oh, it’s a disgusting little smile.

Ben seethes. Absolutely begins to boil in his own skin. He starts to lose his grasp on reality. The professor, the lesson, the classroom, it all begins to melt away, and all he can see is Hux. Hux and that stupid grin. Hux and his scheming, sneaky, vindictive ways.

“I could smell her heat on you from a mile away, Solo. I saw you running back to your room like a pathetic loser.”

Then Ben remembers that flash of red. That bout of paranoia wasn’t just paranoia. Hux _was_ there. And he smelled everything.

“I do wonder why you didn’t tell your dear old friends about your wonderful accomplishment,” Hux continues with a sneer. “Though I suppose your father dying put a damper on it.”

Ben hears a crack, and sees that he’s gripped his desk so hard he’s actually splintered the wood.

“I do wish she weren’t such an uppity cow. Would have loved to have dipped my dick—“

Hux doesn’t get the chance to finish his sentence. Not that Ben would have heard it anyway—what with all the blood rushing through his ears.

No, Hux doesn’t get to finish his sentence because Ben is out of his desk, and is dragging Hux out of his.

And then he has him by the throat, pinned against the brick wall. Hux clambers and claws at Ben’s hand, but to no avail. Some Alpha he is.

“Don’t you _ever_ talk about her that way ever again,” he says, voice dangerous and low.

There’s a vague notion of chaos around him. Of students moving out of their way

“Fuck you,” Hux sputters out. “Fuck you, and that Omega slag.”

And then Ben’s fist meets Hux’s face. It’s quick, but forceful. And the shriek the redhead emits puts a wide, almost sinister smile on his face. 

There's blood. It's dripping down Hux's face, staining his white button up. But it's on Ben's knuckle, too.

Hux sinks to the ground and clutches his nose. He starts to whimper and groan. 

Pathetic. He’s always been so pathetic.

And then Ben’s being dragged away. Security must have been called sometime during the chaos. He really didn’t even notice.

But Ben can only smile.

Because for the first time in a very long time he feels like an _Alpha._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I promise to have this up much sooner? Yes. Am I super happy with it? No. But I got my job back (I lost it when the pandemic started), and have been really busy with that. My hours have been slashed in half, but I'm doing the same amount of work, so it's been highkey stressful. I hate to make promises, but I think I'll have the last chapter up by Sunday. (And then maybe an epilogue?)
> 
> As always, please forgive any mistakes <3
> 
> And if any of you are reading my other WIP (The Games We Play) and are wondering where the next chapter is I PROMISE I’ll be more consistent with it once I finish this one ❤️
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr @ Captaincabinetsao3!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, uhm, sorry this is late again. I've been so busy these last few weeks I want to claw my eyes out, and finding time to write (and write coherently) has been difficult. And sorry I upped the chapter count (again). I ended up splitting this into two so the...devirginizing will have its own chapter. That chapter is basically done and will be up in a few days (I mean it this time lol).
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr @ Captaincabinetsao3

**1999**

“He did _what?”_ Rey bellows, nearly running into a group of idle rugby players as she weaves her way down the hall.

  
“Boom!” Rose shouts, raising her fist in the air. “Right in that stupid freckled face!” She starts shadowboxing, punching the air aggressively and animatedly.

“I can’t condone the violence," Kaydel laments. "But I feel bad that poor Ben has to sit in that stuffy detention hall all day."

“Honestly he should be given an OBE for the outstanding service he’s done for this country,” Jannah jokes.

The girls laugh, and as much as Rey wants to join in, she finds that she can’t. She’s reeling from the gossip—trying to make sense of it in her head. Trying to understand why he did what he did.

It happened a mere hour ago but _everyone_ on campus is talking about it.

_The punch._

The moment the bell rang and class was dismissed, Rey was bombarded by Rose and company with the news that Ben Solo sucker punched Armitage Hux in the middle of class.

Speculation has been running wild since. Some say Hux slighted Ben’s family. Some have dismissed it as typical macho Alpha behavior. And some are saying it’s because of a girl…

Rey doesn’t want to speculate. She doesn’t dare hope…

But she does.

Damnit she _does_ hope. Despite how much it’s hurt her her whole life, she can’t help it. Hope has gotten her through some of the worst times in her life—and there have been plenty. It’s kept her going when things seemed truly dark. Yes, it’s lead to disappointments and heartbreak, but sometimes it was all she had.

And now she has hope that Ben is the boy she wanted him to be all along. That he punched Hux for her. That maybe he was…defending her honor or something silly and archaic like that.

It could be nothing, it really could be. He might’ve just punched Hux because Hux is a prick. Hux existing is reason enough to pop him. But that damn hope gnaws at her. And it won't stop consuming her until she knows the truth.

Rey lets the girls walk ahead of her. They don’t really even notice her fall back, they’re all too engrossed in Rose’s highly exaggerated reenactment of the incident. She lingers at their tails until they’ve all turned the corner. And then she sprints towards the stairwell.

Bugger class.

She’s out of breath when she reaches the heavy mahogany door on the top floor. She’s never had a detention herself, though she’s been close after more than a handful of tardies and exchanging a few choice words with the misogynistic Mr. Krennic on a number of occasions. She suspects she has her grandfather’s name to thank for her avoidance of this particular room.

She cracks the door and is unsurprised to find Professor Ackbar leaning back in his chair, half asleep with his nose in a book. There are a few other students in there. All Alpha’s from the smell of it. But she’s really only here for one in particular.

He’s in the corner, an ice pack wrapped around one hand and a pen moving furiously over a white notebook page in the other.

She tries to get his attention at first by waving wildly and whispering his name, but he doesn’t seem to notice.

So she takes it upon herself to slide through the door and creep in. She makes it in undetected, and moves stealthily towards her target. His shoulders seem to get tighter and tighter the closer she gets.

He’s clearly noticed her now, as have the other two Alphas, but no one says a thing. In fact, Ben doesn’t even look at her. Doesn’t bother to acknowledge her presence as she fluidly sinks into the desk behind his. She leans forward, a close-up view of his inky hair (that she definitely _doesn’t_ have to resist pressing her face into), and rests her elbows on the table. She waits and waits to see if he says anything, but he doesn’t, and her impatience get the best of her.

“So you really did it,” she whispers, trying to sound as impressed as she feels. She actually flinches when she sees how his stiffen at the sound of her voice.

“I wish I could have seen it,” she tries to joke. But it doesn’t seem to crack him. He’s still staring at his textbook, but his pen is still on his notebook.

“Was it…was it because of me?”

His shoulders relax a little, and they rise and fall with the deep breath he takes. And then his head moves up and down, ever so slightly. A confirmation.

Her heart sings. Her Omega preens preens.

_He did it for you,_ it tells her. _Your Alpha protected you._

He turns his head towards his shoulder, and she gets a good view of his strong profile. He’s not quite looking at her, but she can see his left now. She can see the emotion on his face. The tightness of his features, his pained expression.

“He knew,” Ben finally whispers, his voice low and raspy. “He knew because he was there when I got back that night. I didn't see him. He wasn’t anywhere near me, but he smelled you on me.”

Rey sinks back into the chair, her hand coming to her mouth.

“I thought he was gone for break. But I guess he got back early. I didn’t know. I didn’t expect…” He trails off, choking on his words.

She believes him. There’s not a single gram of insincerity in his voice or his body or his scent.

“You really didn’t tell him.”

He nods.

“Then…I owe you an apology—" She just wants to get it out. She just wants his forgiveness for how bloody awful she’s been to him. She just wants to start fresh. But he cuts her off before she can

“No, you don’t—" Ben startsBut he speaks up just a little too loud, moves a little too abruptly, because they’ve finally caught Ackbar’s attention.

“Miss Palpatine,” his croaky voice interrupts. “I don’t have you on my list. Are you supposed to be here?”

“No, sir. I—"

“If you aren’t on my list today then I suggest you skedaddle before you end up on my list tomorrow.”

“Yes, sir. Right away, sir.”

Rey pushes herself out of the desk and moves towards the door. But before she leaves she takes one more look at him. He’s staring at her, his face almost unreadable, like he’s trying to hide his emotions. Something passes between them from across the detention hall. A feeling. It’s that pesky hope again. And it makes her smile.

“Miss Palpatine,” Ackbar warns, and Rey scurries off.

*** * * * ***

Ben is still isolated in detention for the rest of the week, so he isn’t with her in class. At lunch, he’s on cleaning duty as part of his punishment. And instead of a free period, he works for Holdo in the library. Rey also heard he’s been put on a strict curfew until the weekend, so he can’t even hang out after classes are finished.

This all makes it hard for Rey to see him, to talk to him. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t try.

She takes the extra long way to her classes and passes by the detention room in hopes of catching sight of him. She never does, though she swears she can smell him if she stands close enough to the door. And if she gets weird looks from other students for sniffing a door, so be it. It's none of their business. She technically owns this school, which she’s pretty sure entitles her to sniff all the doors she likes.

At lunch, she takes it upon herself to gather everyone’s trays—even if they aren’t finished with their food, which has caused many a complaint—and takes them over to the bins. Ben is usually there, stacking utensils and sorting the trash.

Everyday she hands the trays over to him, and then slips a Dairy Milk Bar into his hand. She’s noticed he likes those. She had extras anyway. She _accidentally_ bought a two week supply last time she ran into town. It’s no big deal.

The first time she hands the milk chocolate over to him, his eyes go wide at the sight of the purple wrapper. His lips part to say something, but his eyes fall on something behind her. She twists her head to see one of the dinner ladies, Ms. Hutt, giving them the stink eye—clearly annoyed that Rey is distracting her troublemaking worker. He whispers a “thank you” and returns to his duty, tuning his back to her. Hutt keeps a close eye on her through the week, too, and she never gets a chance to talk to him.

Rey also finds that she doesn’t need her free period, and has taken to the library to study while her friends are all out playing football in the courtyard or using the computers. He’s usually working in the stacks, so she only catches brief glimpses of him as he rolls a cart piled with books through the alleys of shelves. Holdo keeps less of a leash on him than Hutt does, but he still doesn’t push his luck.

He acknowledges her every time they see each other. He gives her a bashful little smile and a hello. But behind every smile there’s a hesitance. A demureness. On Tuesday, he discreetly drops a book on her table as he passes by with his cart. When she picks it up she sees its a book called _Northern Lights,_ by Phillip Pullman. When she cracks it open, a small scrap of paper flutters onto the table.

_Read this. I think you might like it._

And he’s right. By Wednesday, she has already devoured first book, and goes to the library check out the second. She sits and reads it, waiting for him to come by. Every time he passes she wants to tell him her thoughts. She wants to talk about Lyra’s adventure and discuss the role of religion and the parallels to the modern world. But she never gets the chance. 

She doesn’t see him at all on Thursday, though she knows he’s there. She can feel his presence like a physical thing. She waits and waits, and then Poe ends up joining her. She tries to talk to him for a while, but he ends up irritating her so much that she makes an excuse to leave.

She thinks about pulling the fire alarm, or maybe even punching Hux herself, to get herself into that detention hall. Then she could see him. But Rose talks her out of that, insisting it is not worth having on her permanent record. Rose tries to find ways for them to see each other, too. She keeps her eyes and ears open to his whereabouts and constantly reports to Rey throughout the week. But to no avail. He's like a ghost.

Ben’s avoidance might hurt her feelings if she weren’t so in tune with his. She knows he wants to see her. She knows he wants to talk to her. She just intrinsically knows these things, as she has since they very first met. She feels his ache for her. So much so that she’s unable to distinguish it from her own for him.

And that’s why his betrayal—or what she thought was a betrayal—hurt so much. She might not have known him well, but she thought she understood him. And it made her question everything she thought she knew. It made it hard to trust anyone again, most especially Alphas. She didn't trust them in the first place, and the one boy she made an exception for had proved all the stereotypes right. It was crushing.

When Friday rolls around, Rey decides to join her friends in the courtyard during her free period. Poe challenges her to a game of war, and she really can’t resist. Jannah is the only other person to join them, as the others have a group project to work on. She lounges in the grass and doodles, while making the occasional snide remark about Poe’s arrogance.

As the song changes from Blur’s “Girls and Boys,” to Pulp’s “Common People,” a gust of wind brings a hint of a familiar scent her way. Rey looks up from her obscenely large stack of cards and spots a tall gangly figure looking at her from across the grass.

But when he spots her spotting him, he shuffles around, seemingly not sure which direction he was headed, before he moves towards the pathway to the dorms.

Rey throws her cards down, abandoning her game, and runs after him. Poe loudly objects to her poor sportsmanship behind her.

When she finally reaches him, she suddenly finds it quite difficult to speak. She’s rehearsed this question all week in her head, but she didn't account for the head rush she would get being next to him again. It's like every ounce of attraction—every romantic feeling she's ever had for him comes flooding back into her.

“Uhm…Hi,” she squeaks out. _Great starting point, Rey,_ she tells herself. She could crawl into her cardigan and disappear for how annoying she sounds. 

“Hello,” he says back, voice tinged with the slightest bit of amusement. “Did you need something?”

“I heard today is your last day of suspension.”

“It is.”

“So, uhm, some of us are meeting at the chip shop on tonight,” she says. “Do you…do you maybe want to come?”

His eyebrows knit together tightly, and he starts to mash his lips together. And he…doesn’t answer.

It’s not lost on her that she’s asking him to meet her at the very place their relationship—if one could even call it that—began and ended. And maybe that’s why he’s hesitating. Why did she even invite him? Oh, God. Of course he wouldn’t want to go there. Or anywhere with her. Ever.

“Sure,” he finally answers. “Yeah. Cool. Okay.”

“Okay,” she repeats the word, unable to hide the abject amazement in her voice. Because she can’t believe he actually agreed!

“Erm, we’ll be there at half past six,” she adds.

“Sounds good,” he says, bobbing his head a little, his hair bouncing with it. 

She starts to mimic the action. And it gets to a point where they are both just standing there, exchanging endless nods, for an extremely uncomfortable amount of time.

“Rey! We were in the middle of something!” Poe shouts from across the courtyard. He holds up his fanned out cards and gives them an obvious little shake.

She shoots him daggers from her eyes, then looks back to Ben, who is now staring at Poe. His lips are pressed into a straight line, and his scent seems to have heightened. Though that could just be because she’s standing right next to him. She very rarely gets to stand this close to him. Or at least she hasn't been able to stand this close to him without feeling boiling anger for a long time.

She clears her throat, and his head snaps back to focus on her. His features soften all at once. And he bites his plush lower lip, as if trying to prevent something coming out of his mouth that shouldn’t come out.

Something about the action makes Rey’s heart flutter a little. But then he releases the reddened bottom lip, gives her one last nod, and turns to walk away.

She distractedly stares at his strong, wide back until Poe’s incessant screeching knocks her out of her reverie.

“I’m coming you idiot!” she barks. _Insufferable boy._

She stomps back over and rejoins the game. Poe wins—though she suspects he might have cheated while she was away from her deck—but she finds really doesn’t care. She gets to talk to Ben tonight. And that means more against beating Poe in a stupid card game.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was way longer and way filthier than I intended. Enjoy.

**1999 **

It takes Ben nearly an hour to come down from the Alpha adrenaline rush he felt after he punched Hux.

And he comes down from it _hard._

After he receives a stern talking to from the ancient Headmaster Tarkin, he has to make an uncomfortable international phone call to his mother. She’s, of course, _thrilled_ to receive a call at 4am from her wayward son who tells her he assaulted another student. Though Ben can’t help but note how her anger softens a little when she finds out it was Brendol Hux’s son he sucker punched. Leia hates that man more than Ben hates Hux.

Then he’s given a list of duties for the week, along with a new schedule and an ice pack for his hand. Then he is escorted by two Alpha security guards to the detention hall. The moment he sits down he feels like he could fall asleep for a hundred years and still be tired.

But a sense of peace has taken over. That uncomfortable rock that has resided in his stomach for months is no longer there, and the buzzing nerves throughout his body have quieted. He didn’t realize how tense he’s been the last few months, or how much the Rey situation has dampened his spirits.

He doesn’t regret what he did—not even a little—but he is embarrassed at how easily he gave into his Alpha impulses. He’s eighteen—an _adult—_ and he thought he had better control of himself than that. But the second Rey’s name came out of Hux’s slimy mouth, he couldn’t help but be set on edge. And then when the truth came out—the truth that has kept him and Rey apart for years—he couldn’t help it. He was guided by pure instinct to protect his Omega.

And while it was satisfying to see Hux crumple to the ground like a little bitch, the primal part of him really wished he would fight back. At the very least, Ben might not look like the worse party here had Hux tried to get a few punches in himself.

But alas, Ben gets the punishment, and Hux gets the sympathy. Well, sympathy to his face. Ben received nods of respect from the other delinquents in the detention hall when he walked in. Hux isn’t well-liked, but he’s well-connected, and no on wants to burn that bridge.

So Ben decides he’s just going to get through his week of punishment without any more trouble. He’s being strategically kept away from Hux, as to not trigger either of them, so he thinks it will be easy. But he fails to consider how persistent Rey is.

She shows up in the detention hall. She just creeps up out of nowhere and sits behind him, making his hair stand on end and his heart beat wildly.

He thinks, at first, that she’s going to scold him like everyone else. He’s used to that from her. But when she tells him she would have liked to have been there, when she asks if it was because of her, when she tries to apologize…

His heart feels like it’s going to burst. He wonders if she’s the only person that can make him feel this way.She’s the only one who ever has from the moment he walked into that chip shop. Even after all this time, and all the strife, she’s got a powerful hold on his heart. It’s part of the reason why his hand is red and throbbing under an ice pack.

They get caught, of course, and she’s sent away. But it’s not the last he sees of her.

At lunch, she tries to make tray duty easier for him. And she shocks him when she slips him his favorite candy bars—he wonders if she knew they were his favorite or if it was just a lucky guess.

Then she shows up in the library during what he knows is her free period. She sits quietly doing her work, or reading, but he can feel her watching him when he passes by. He watches her too.

And sometimes, when he’s sitting in the starchy old detention hall, he convinces himself he can smell her. As if she were near by, trying to send him a scent signal or something.

He so wishes he could talk to her. But if he gets caught fraternizing during his punishment, they’ll just add another week to it. He can’t go through another week of this. So he tries to be subtle. Tries to let her know he’s here and he sees her. And it goes pretty smoothly for a few days. And then Dameron starts showing up.

He seems to be everywhere she is. They sit together at lunch. He shows up in the library. He walks with her in the halls and they often spend their free time together. Albeit, there are other people there, too. But Ben has a hard time quelling the jealousy.

On Friday, Rey doesn’t show up to the library like she normally does. He waits around for her, weaving aimlessly through the isles of books waiting for her to sit down at a table, or for her scent to hit him. But she doesn’t come. Holdo lets him leave a little early, and he decides he’ll run back to his dorm to grab a snack before returning to the detention hall.

He spots her in the courtyard. And his heart sinks when he sees she’s with Dameron again.

It’s ridiculous to feel threatened by Dameron. He’s an idiot. And a Beta. But he can’t help but wonder.

Poe did, after all, go to Niima’s every week along with Ben. So maybe he’s always had an interest in her too. But whether or not that interest is returned is another question.

Rey has been pissed at Ben for two years. That’s a lot of time. Surely there’s been other guys—other Alphas, even. Or maybe her experience with him ruined all Alphas for her. Maybe she hates his kind and now only sticks to Betas. The thought that he could be responsible for that makes him feel sick, and sorry to her all over again.

He must’ve been staring at them for a while, because the next thing he sees is Rey staring back. He tries to escape, but it’s no use. She’s coming towards him, plaid skirt billowing in the wind.

A little light of hope returns to him when he sees the grin on her face. Maybe he’s stupid to think that she could still…like him after everything. But he wants to believe it. That light of hope shines brighter when she asks him to come to Niima’s later.

But he agrees, because yes, God yes. After a week of being isolated and years of not being able to say what he wants to her, he’s finally got the opportunity. He just hopes he doesn’t mess it up again.

*** * * * ***

He puts on his old Oasis tee because he knows Rey will like it. Unless, of course, she’s decided she hates Oasis in the last two years. Maybe he should change. Or maybe not. Maybe it will just be a conversation starter.

He pulls on his denim jacket to cover it up—just in case.

He walks through the fields alone, and a strong sense of de ja vu hits him. Two years ago, he was doing this same thing. Walking through this same grassy knoll, stomach twisting and turning with nervousness, preparing to meet her for their date.

He hopes this time will turn out much, much differently.

He’s about twenty feet away from the shop when he comes to an abrupt stop.

Rey and her friends are gathered around the tables inside the shop. They’re laughing about something. For a brief, paranoid moment, he thinks that maybe this is some elaborate prank. Maybe Rey hasn’t forgiven him, and they're all in on the joke.

And then he notices Rey talking to Poe. Quite closely. His arm is around her chair. White hot jealousy burns through his body, and then it melts into sadness.

He should leave.

No.

He should go in.

He should be…strong. He should be a man. He should go in there and congratulate them on their relationship. Tell them they look good together. And do it all without rolling his eyes or gritting his teeth. This will be the truest test of his character.

His feet remain where they are on the cobblestone road, clearly resisting his mission to be a good person. Rey spots him through the window and clambers out the chair and pushes open the door.

“Ben! Over here!” She bats her hand, beckoning him in. He swallows hard, and trudges over.

“Hi,” he says, when he’s a few feet from the door.

“Hey,” she smiles. “Cool shirt!”

Ben smiles back, and she ushers him in and into the empty seat across from Poe. So he’s going to have to sit here and watch them…this is going to be torture. He should’ve run when he had the chance.

But then Rey sits next to _him_ , instead of Poe, and he can’t help but smile smugly.

She starts asking him about his day, and tells him how awful his punishment must’ve been. Their conversation is a little stunted, a little shy, and he can’t help but wonder what things would have been like if they’d just started their relationship normally. If he had just happened to walk into Niima’s Chippy one day and thought she was cute and asked for her telephone number. Maybe they’d be sitting here as a couple, and the conversation would flow easily, endlessly.

After about ten minutes, the Beta he recognizes as Finn comes up to the tables and drops some baskets of chips in front of everyone. They all dive in like vultures.

“Ben,” Rey clears her throat. “You remember Finn, right?” She cringes a little.

“Yes, I remember him.”

Finn narrows his eyes at Ben, looking him up and down as if looking for something wrong. And then his face smooths, and the other boy holds his hand out to him. Ben grabs it, and they shake on it, Finn giving him one curt nod. It feels like a silent agreement to a fresh start.

Ben feels relieved.

Then Finn sits in the seat that Rey vacated earlier—next to Poe. And Poe puts his arm around Finn, and kisses him on the cheek, a blush forming on the peaks of the other boy’s cheeks. Dameron whispers something into his ear, eliciting a smile and a breathy laugh. And it all starts to make some sense.

Poe wasn’t coming here for Rey. He was coming here for Finn.

Dameron notices Ben staring at them, and gives him a tight, sheepish smile. Ben returns one, hoping it looks as genuine as he feels it is.

They all sit around talking. And the anxiety and unsureness starts to melt away, and is replaced with…fun. Comfort. Things Ben hasn’t felt in a while. He’s been lonely, and hasn’t realized it until just now. Sometimes you don’t realize you’ve been missing something until you have it again.

He’s been lonely for far longer than he initially thought. Sure, he had people in his life. People he hung out with, and people he had bits of fun with. He had Hux and a gang of other idiots when he first arrived at the school. But they weren’t his friends. Not really. He might’ve called them that at some point, but now that he sees what true friendship looks like, he knows it not to be true.

They were just a group of kids, who all had similar upbringings and designations, who were sent to a school that was far from all their homes. No one knew anyone, no one had any friends. They were forced to assimilate. And that’s what Ben did. He hung out with them because they were easy. They did what he told them to do because he was bigger and stronger than them. He’d never had that kind of power before, and he liked feeling important.

But they were _not_ his friends.

None of them would defend Ben like Finn does Rey. Or listen to him like Rose does. Or share intimate thoughts and ideas like they all seem to do.

And Ben probably wouldn’t have done that for any of them, either. He didn’t like them enough.

And that became clear that they weren’t his friends after he met Rey. And then after his dad died. His ideas of what was truly important had been altered, and so he changed. And Hux didn’t like that. And Ben’s been on his own ever since.

But he thinks he’d like to have friends again. Maybe these friends, if they’d have him.

Rey moves closer to him throughout the evening. Their arms are touching by the end of the night, and he’s overwhelmed by the comfort of it. She’s like magic. He’d always heard Omegas described as ethereal and otherworldly, but he always thought it was dramatized bullshit. But Rey…she really is ethereal and otherworldly. And he can’t believe, after everything, she’s touching him. That she’s forgiven him…or at least, it seems like she’s forgiven him. He hopes she has, though he’s not sure he deserves it. But he’ll take what he can get.

He frequently catches Rose staring at them from the other table like the damn Cheshire Cat. She winks at him and gives him kissy faces, not-so-discretely poking fun at him and Rey.

When night as fallen, and Finn closes up the shop, they all gather outside the darkened building and talk a little bit more before dispersing.

“I’m going to walk back with Ben,” she says. Everyone looks to him, like he’s supposed to say something. She’s looking to him, too. For confirmation, he guesses. “If that’s okay,” she adds.

“Of course,” he says, trying to sound as cool as possible.

As the others leave, and disappear off the road, Ben is hit with de ja vu again. Another time. The same girl. The same lamp-lit cobblestone street.

“Shall we?” Rey says, cutting off his reverie, gesturing down the road.

“Mhm,” he responds, starting ahead. She catches up quickly, and he’s more than a little shocked when she loops an arm through his.

He briefly thinks, for a moment, that maybe she’s going into heat again and that’s why she’s been everywhere he is during the week. And why she kept touching him all night—pats on the hand, nudges on the shoulder.

He leans down and sniffs the top of her head—taking a deep, deep inhale—to see if he can catch even the faintest scent of heat on her. But he picks up nothing. Just her usual, sweet, fresh scent, slightly clouded by suppressants.

“What are you doing?” she asks, her voice bearing the slightest bit of amusement.

  
“N—nothing,” he stutters. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I don’t mind,” she says sweetly. His stomach does cartwheels, and she pulls herself closer to his side.

They take tiny steps—slow and steady down the empty street. They don’t talk, the sound of their sneakers tapping against the stones fills the air. But when they reach the field leading back to the school, she stops and takes a deep breath.

“I wanted to get you alone because I didn’t get the chance to apologize—“

“You don’t have to,” he interrupts frantically. She shouldn’t have to apologize. It was a misunderstanding. One that _he_ caused due to his carelessness.

“No, let me do this. I despise having to say I’m sorry, and may never hear another apology again, so I’d really relish this moment if I were you.”

He bobs his head, put in his place.

“I’m sorry,” she says, exhaling. “I’m sorry for the whole thing. For treating you like the bad guy when you didn’t do anything wrong. For yelling at you in front of Rose. I should have just talked to you. But instead I acted like a complete arse and made everything worse.”

“But I did do something wrong, Rey. I still tried to mate you. I still left you there all alone,” his throat closes, choking his words.

“But you _didn’t_ mate me _,_ and that’s what matters. And as for leaving me…I won’t pretend that that didn’t hurt. But it’s not like you asked for me to force myself on you like that. I’m sorry for that too. That—that must have been so uncomfortable for you. I’m so ashamed..,”

She looks so embarrassed. Her eyes are cast to the ground and her lip wobbles the slightest bit. It breaks his heart. She shouldn’t be ashamed for simply following her instincts. Her designation was new to her. She didn't know what was happening any more than he did. Which…makes him think he needs to forgive himself, too.

“You were going into heat,” he excuses her. “Plus, I—I did want it…I liked it.”

“You did?” Her head jerks up. She stares at him with wide, curious, _watery_ hazel eyes.

“I mean…of course. What teenage Alpha wouldn’t?”

She blushes, a vibrant red tint covering the tops of her cheeks. She tries to suppress a smile, but he can smell how happy she is. He puts his hands on her shoulders and steady her. To direct her gaze with his so she understands.

“Neither of us had ever done it before. We didn’t know what we were doing. Let’s just chalk it up to inexperience, okay?”

She nods, and then goes silent. Contemplative.

“Are…are you still?” Rey asks, suddenly shy again.

“Still what?”

“Still a virgin.”

He cringes a little, but there’s no use in lying to her. Not that he would want to.

“Yes,” he admits.

There’s another pleasant surge in her scent.

“Are you?” he asks in return, though he almost doesn’t want to know. He doesn’t know how he’s going to handle it if he finds out she did it with someone else.

“Yes,” she says with a deep sigh. And like a switch, her demeanor changes. Her shoulders straighten, the tears are gone. The confident, powerful Rey he knows is suddenly back.

“But I’m thinking about changing that. Soon, maybe,” she says, a sly smile on her face.

Alarm bells ring in his head. Panic mode sets in. Who could she be talking about? It can’t be Poe, now that he knows about Finn. But who else could she be talking about? She never hangs out with any other guys. He did see her with Snap Wexley on the soccer pitch once.

She’s got a cheeky smile on her face, and she shakes her head with a breathy laugh. Something tells him she’s laughing at him. Something tells him that he’s being…stupid. Again.

But she can’t mean…she couldn’t possibly mean…

“You mean me?” he asks, bewildered, pointing his own finger at his chest.

“Yes, dummy,” she says, smacking him lightly on the shoulder. “If you want, that is. No—no pressure or anything.”

“I do,” he says eagerly. “I do want.”

“Good.”

“When?”

“Aren’t we an eager beaver.”

“Sorry.” He coughs, trying to regain composure. Embarrassed at what a horndog he’s being.

“Well…spring recess is coming up. Everyone is going to be gone…”

It’s perfect. His mother is in China for some UN meeting, and he didn’t want to go back to the States to an empty house so he was planning on staying on campus anyway. And it’s not like he was on Hux’s lad’s trip to Santorini.

“Okay,” he says.

“You’re...You’re absolutely sure?” Confident Rey falters again, but only briefly.

“Of course I’m sure,” he says, and grabs her hands, enveloping them in his. He pulls them close to his chest so her palms are resting on his pecs. Then he steps closer to her and grabs her gaze again. “Rey…you have no idea how long I’ve wanted this.”

“Me too,” she says, looking up at him through her long lashes.

The happiness is finally too much for him, and he dips his head down and kisses her. Just a quick peck. But she immediately chases his lips. Their mouths move over each other at a furious pace. She pulls her hands from his and grabs the back of his head, twining her fingers through his hair. It makes him shiver and moan. When she sticks her tongue in his mouth he thinks he sees stars—galaxies far, far away.

Then his hands, his traitorous, no-good Alpha hands, start to feel her up. They slide from her hips to her stomach, to her breasts. He squeezes and kneads at the hard little mounds, when she stops them.

“How about we save this for later, Alpha?” She says breathlessly, stepping back a little.

“Okay,” he agrees, quite breathless himself.

“Monday?” She asks. “Everyone should be gone by then.”

“Monday,” he agrees.

They walk back to campus hand in hand, and he gets one more quick kiss before she goes back to her dorm.

Monday can’t come soon enough.

*** * * * ***

Ben spends the weekend with Rey and her friends, and while he enjoys getting to know them, all he can think about is Monday.

Rey drops subtle hints and details to him. It’s got to happen in his dorm room because the Omega dorms are way more heavily monitored. Alphas bring back girls to their dorms constantly without getting caught. Omega’s can barely bring a Beta through their door without getting snitched on immediately.

They agree to meet at noon, which Ben thinks is an odd time to have sex, and tries to argue it might be better at night, past curfew, but when Rey whispers that that’s when she’s the horniest, he shuts up.

And after all the anticipation and longing, Ben wakes up on Monday morning and just panics.

What if they get caught? What if he hurts her? What if he disappoints her? Oh God…what if he comes early again? He’s ruin the whole thing. She won't want to be with him again.

He takes a shower. Pees. He chooses an outfit. Pees again. Then he frantically cleans his room, making sure every inch of it is spotless for her. 

  
Then he has to take another shower because he got all sweaty from the furious cleaning and chooses a new outfit; a plain black T-shirt and jeans.

He sits on his bed, eats some Cadbury chocolate, and tries to calm his nerves as he waits.

At nearly 12:00 pm on the dot, there’s a knock on his door. He flips his radio on—Portishead's Dummy is queued up to play softly, quietly in the background. He has to take a few deep breaths before even thinking about touching the handle.

He questions every choice he's made this morning—from his hair to his clothes to the soap he used in the shower—but forgets every bit of self-consciousness when he sees Rey smiling demurely on the other side of the door. She's dressed in a half-buttoned light green cardigan that shows off her midriff, and a pair of baggy jeans and Chucks. Her hair is down. He loves when her hair is down.

He escorts her in, and she stands in the middle of his room, with her hands tucked into her back pockets, and observes his beige domain. It’s weird to have someone else in here, much less a girl. Much less _this_ girl.

“I like the poster,” she says, nodding her head towards the Rage Against the Machine poster that hangs above his bed. “I remember you saying you liked them.”

“Thanks,” he says, biting his lip.

  
He watches her eyes float around his space. There are a million questions he’d like to ask her. A million things he’d like to tell her. But there is one thing in particular she should know. 

He figures he should be straight-up with her. She deserves a warning, so she knows what she’s getting into. He doesn’t want her to be surprised if it happens...again.

“I have something else to tell you,” he says, and he can’t believe he’s about to admit this. “I—uh—I _finished_ early…last time. When we…y’know. I finished. On accident.”

“Finished?” Rey asks, her brows knitting together in confusion. He stays silent…lets her think about it for a second. And thank God her face smooths out in realization so he doesn’t have to explain.

“Ooooohhhhh,” she says, nodding.

“That’s, uh, actually why I stopped when I did—why I didn’t bite you. Why I left. My senses returned and I was…humiliated and I had to get out of there.”

“I don’t remember that either,” she adds, sounding a little lost in thought.

“Well, I tried really hard to hide it. Anyway, I just wanted you to know in case it happens again.”

She looks away from him, and paces a little, pulling at the skin at her lips. She’s regretting it. She wants to leave—

“I read somewhere that the best way to prevent…that…is to do a little, uhm, maintenance beforehand.”

“Like…you mean get myself off?”

“Yeah.”

Now she’s the one who seems embarassed. The tops of her cheeks go red and starts to bite at her nails, and he can’t help but poke fun at her.

“Oh? And where exactly did you read this? I didn’t know Tiger Beat offered such salacious advice.”

“It might’ve been a dirty magazine,” she admits, shuffling her feet, and looking up at him through her long lashes—a move that makes the blood rush straight to his dick.

“Okay,” he chokes out. “So do you want me to? I will if you want me to.”

“You decide. It’s your body.”

“But it’s your first time.”

“It’s yours, too!”

“Right. Right. I guess I will, then, just in case.”

“Okay.”

“Do you want me to go to the bathroom orrrr?”

“No. Uhm. You can do it here.”

“Here like…as in front of you?”

“Yes. unless—“

“No, no, I’ll do it here.”

He bites the inside of his cheek, hesitating before he strips of his shirt. He tries to look everywhere but at Rey as he unbuttons his jeans and slides them down his long legs. He kicks them across the room.

She finally looks over at him before he drops his boxers, and her eyes go wide as saucers when they reach the floor. Her scent spikes, but he can’t tell if it’s because she’s completely disgusted or completely interested. He just lets her observe for a moment, before he takes himself in hand.

He’s already hard. He’s pretty much been hard since he woke up. But as soon as he touches himself, and starts those long sensitive strokes, he grows harder, bigger. He can’t help but grunt and groan, and he tries not to think about how stupid he sounds. He’s never done this _in front of_ anyone before. He never thought about how it might sound.

He chances a look at her to gauge her reaction, and her face is a twist of fascinated and scared.He looks away from her quickly, hot shame creeping up his back. He starts to move faster, he should get this over with. Put her out of her misery.

The wet slapping sound fills the room,

“Look at me,” she tells him—demands, rather.

He listens. Because he’s always been so weak for her. So obedient.

The intensity in her eyes could knock him over. She’s now looking at him—at his cock— like a hungry predator—even licking her lips at one point. So maybe she’s not disgusted. The realization spurns him on to move faster. To perform for her. To show her what he can do, all for her. His Omega.

“Are you close?” She asks, her voice low and breathy.

“Yeah,” he grunts.

And then she shocks him by getting down on her knees in front of him and starts to unbutton her cardigan, revealing just a lacy blue bra underneath. Ben thinks his eyes might just fall right out of his head.

“Wow,” he says, unable to stop ogling.

  
“You like?” She purrs. “I bought this yesterday. Just for you. You can come on it, Alpha.”

And he does. The second she calls him Alpha, white ropes shoot out onto the blue lace and the tops of her tits. He throws his head back and squeezes his eyes shut, unable to handle it. He grips his forming knot tightly, and tries to get every single drop of his spend on her.

It takes minutes for him to finish. And when he does he finally looks back down at her. The sight is enough to make him hard again. She’s pulled her bra down a little, revealing her little nipples. Her tits are covered in his come, and some even got onto her face and chin. Some of it is on the carpet, and the underwear around his ankles, but he’ll worry about that later.

She holds his gaze as she stands up. He can’t help but grab her face and start kissing her. He can taste himself of her lips, which isn’t something he thought he’d be into but…he’s into it.

She ravenously grabs at him, too, hoisting herself into his arms and wrapping her legs around his waist. He steps out of his boxers, and backs them up onto his bed when he sits and she straddles him. He pulls off her cardigan and unhooks her bra, throwing them into the pile of his clothes.

She starts humping him again, whimpering and whining desperately like she did when she was in heat. He moves his mouth from hers and starts to mouth at her tits, relishing at the taste of himself there too. His hands squeeze her ass, and drag her back and forth across his naked torso. Her jeans are rough against his skin, but he _really_ doesn’t mind. He can smell how wet she is. He can feel the dampness of her jeans on his skin.

When she comes, she cries out—screams, really—and he has enough sense to cover her mouth with his hands. Most people might be gone, but there are still a few lingering students and staff members on campus.

She shakes and shudders, and collapses onto him when she’s finally come down it. He falls back onto the bed so she’s laying on top of him.

And then she starts to giggle. He doesn’t know why, and he doesn’t ask. But her giggle is so cute that it makes him giggle. And then she pushes herself up on her hands, hovering above him, and starts to kiss him again.

They make out lazily, sweetly for a while. And then she gets up to pee, and comes back with a wet rag to wipe down her chest and face. She wipes his down too.

And when they’re all clean, she stands in front of him, her face and demeanor suddenly serious,and unbuttons her pants. He can see the big, wet patch on the crotch as they hit the floor. Her blue lace panties—a perfect match to the bra she had on—are even more soaked. She steps forward, standing between his knees, and lets him be the one to pull them down.

And he does, slowly, carefully. She shudders a little, when they peel away from her cunt. When they reach the ground she kicks them away, and now it’s his turn to stare at her body and admire it.

There’s a little thatch of hair on her pubic bone, but the rest is shaved. She’s absolutely dripping, and he runs his finger through the slick gathered on her leg. She shutters again, gripping his shoulders.

Then he puts his fingers on her folds, running them back and forth through the silky heat. He focuses on her clit—something D’Acy made a special point to focus on during their human sexuality class. She buries her face on his head and moans into his hair. Then he slides a finger home, pumping in and out a few times before he adds another. She shutters, her knees shaking and practically giving out.

She’s unable to keep herself stable, so he pulls his fingers out of her and yanks her onto the bed. He has to keep her on her back. He fears that any other position will put his teeth way too close to her neck. She doesn’t protest the new position.

He’s ready again. Fully ready. And so he pulls his hand way from her cunt. He climbs on top of her and spreads her legs to his sides. Then he grips his red, angry cock, trying to calm it down. Her eyes flash down at him with the slightest bit of wariness.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he tries, just in case. He doesn’t think there’s any going back after this.

“Yes, please,” she whines desperately.

And he lines himself up, and pushes in with ease, her slick guiding him. It’s snug, and warm, and a tight fit. He moves slowly, an inch at a time.

“Oh!” she gasps, as he nears the hilt.

“Are you okay?” He asks, worried.

“Yes, goddamnit. Now fuck me!" she grabs his ass to pull him into her further.

A guttural moan escapes his throat when he bottoms out. He’s glad he masturbated earlier, because he’s sure he’d be done for already if he hadn’t. Being inside Rey feels like the Jets just won the world series. Like eating all the Dairy Milk Bars in the world. Like coming home. He’s so glad he doesn’t have to worry about condoms, since the suppressants the school provides has birth control in it. For both of them.

He never wants to not be inside her. He never wants to not feel every bit of her heat around him.

She doesn’t let him relish in the feeling for very long, because she starts to writhe underneath him. Canting her hips, pushing him in and out, moaning Alpha, Alpha, Alpha.

So he starts to move, too, sliding in and out, in and out. He tries to mimic what he’s seen in the porn tapes he found in his dad’s closet as a pre-teen. He snaps his hips and pounds into her. It takes them a little bit of time to work out a rhythm so he doesn’t keep falling out of her. It takes them even more time to get into a position on is elbows where he’s not crushing her.

But they figure it out.

And when they do, he starts to move faster, smoother, and when they get really comfortable, he dips his down for a sloppy, wet kisses. Every drag of his cock elicits a delicious little moan from her, and he wants her to keep making that noise forever.

One of her little hands palms at his ass while the other plays with her clit. He can feel how close she’s getting by the jerk of her hips an the way her insides squeeze around him. He’s going to lose his mind if she doesn’t come soon. She has to come first.

And thank Jesus she does.

“Ben!” She screams his name, and then she’s coming. Loud cries follow, but this time he stifles it with his mouth. Her cries turning into deep moans with his kiss. He follows seconds after her, her his hips canting furiously until his knot grows and locks him inside. He moans louder than her, and she returns the favor by stifling his with her kiss.

And then they’re stuck together. Both of them sweaty and emitting strong pheromones. His Alpha brain reminds him what his duty is, and it leads his nose to her shoulder, his tongue licking up the sweat on her neck, trying to edge it’s to her neck.

“Ben,” she warns.

“I know, I know," he says, trying not to sound too disappointed. "I just want to lick it.”

She pushes herself onto her side, just the slightest bit, giving him full view of that dangerous patch of skin. He mouths at it for a little while before going back to her mouth. And then he maneuvers them into a new position onto their sides, where they can both rest easily.

“It's not a no," she says a bit dreamily, running her fingers across her gland. "Just not right now," she adds, and her eyes flutter closed.

And they fall asleep locked together.

*** * * * ***

They spend the entirety of their spring recess fucking, experimenting, and just talking. He thought he was in love with her from the moment he met her. But after getting to be with her like this, he _knows_ he is.

They talk about college, and how she applied to schools in New York that she doesn’t think she can get into, but he knows she can. He hasn’t applied anywhere yet, but going back home to New York suddenly seems more tempting.

The anniversary of his father’s death is that same week, and she lets him vent and even cry, and she doesn’t judge. She comforts him. Not just with sex, but with her words. With her presence.

He’s sad when the other students start trickling back to campus on Sunday evening, and they have to part.

School starts back up, and everything goes back to normal. The days are filled with the same classes, and the same people, doing the same things.

But everything has changed for Ben. He has Rey. A girlfriend he can hold hands with on his way to class. One that he can kiss freely, and put his arm around, and freely express his love for. The fact that it seems to piss Hux off is icing on the cake. Ben got the brilliant girl from the chip shop. He got the girl. 

He also got her friends. It was kind of a package deal, but he doesn’t mind. He has friends, now.Real friends that he doesn’t hate or have to meet secretly in the library. Friends that listen to him and ask him how he's doing. Friends he'd even go so far as to say he loves. Even Dameron.

He feels whole. Like the pieces of him that have fallen off over the last few years have finally come back into place.

For years he’s listened to his favorite artists sing powerful lyrics about heartbreak, friendship, and love.

He understands now.

He understands. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This started out as a bit of fun but I'm clearly incapable of not making the shit I write an emotional, introspective, drama-fest. But I hope you all enjoyed it anyway. I've so appreciated all kudos the awesome comments through this process. Thank you ❤️
> 
> I have a short epilogue for this planned that will be posted in the near future. I also have another work in progress (The Games We Play) right now, as well as another short fic in the works that will be posted in the near future if you're interested in anything else by me. 
> 
> In the meantime, you can find me @ Captaincabinetsao3.tumblr.com


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